PeaceBang

Bad 80’s Memories

Bad 80’s Memories
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Two things happened today that made me feel ancient.

First, I was on the elliptical cross-trainer at the health club listening to oldies radio when “Whip It” by Devo came on, and there I was sweating away and laughing, singing as loud as you please:

WHIP IT!
into shape
shape it up
Get straight
Go forward
Move ahead
Try to detect it
It’s not too late
to WHIP IT
Whip it good!

It was all hilarious nostalgia, but it did occur to me that I used to dance to that song wearing a peplum skirted dress and a snazzy little hat while men bought me drinks by the dozen. And Tom Manarino would drive me home and I would puke in the lilac bush and then stagger in through the garage.

That was a semi-bad enough 80’s memory. Now I see that Madonna has attended a movie premiere in 2005 wearing purple velvet KNICKERS and she’s wearing what looks suspiciously like an old Farrah flip hair-do, and dammit, lace up granny boots.

Madge, please don’t bring me back there. Please don’t bring me back to leg warmers and raspberry berets (”the kind you find at a second-hand store”) and metallic Peter Pan boots and toe socks. Please. Please don’t do this.

The best thing about the 80’s was that we hadn’t heard you massacre the “Evita” score yet. But everything else, you can keep. Especially the knickers. Good Lord, don’t bring back the knickers. The next thing you know it’ll be gauchos, and when that happens I’m going to have to throw myself off the clock tower.