PeaceBang

Offensive Royal Scotland Bank Commercial

I’ve been wanting to write about this one for awhile, and I saw it again this morning on CNN.

Scenario: a beautiful, traditional church, handsome groom and lovely bride standing before a clergyman. Emotional mamas and papas in the front row.

The minister says, “Do you, Ambrose [Snottyname] Finch, take this woman to be your wife?”

So we know immediately that the woman isn’t worth being named.

Ambrose responds, “Well, that very much depends on what you mean by ‘take,’” and launches into a whole ridiculous exposition on the risks of the merger, etc. It’s funny. The mother of the bride weeps and the bride looks profoundly irritated.

As Ambrose is carrying on, one of the groomsmen steps up and quickly says, “I do.” There is a shot of the bride looking o-mouthed in an expression distinctly reminiscent of a blow-up doll. The priest, in a relieved rush, says, “I pronounce you man and wife!” And the man and his blow-up doll wife exchange a kiss.
The crowd cheers… and fade. Because of course a beautiful, blonde woman who’s all dressed up in white on her wedding day isn’t there to marry any specific person, she’s just pretty chattel to be handed over to any schmuck in a tux who agrees to “take” her as his wife. And of course she’ll just obediently and silently lean over to be kissed no matter who does the stepping up.

If I had directed that commercial, I would have AT LEAST had the bride and the groomsman exchange secret looks of lust and longing, and I would have at LEAST spared the one second it would have taken to have the bride NOD her assent to the minister the moment the groomsman said, “I do.” I’m talking two seconds’ worth of air time to make a commercial funny instead of disgustingly sexist. It could have been done.

Not that I’m bloody likely to do any banking with the bloody Royal Scotland Bank, but I have a message for them and their ad agency:

Sod off, you bunch of sexist rotters.