PeaceBang

When Things Break

October 20, 2006 on 2:58 am | In Random Rant |

I bought a Hewlett-Packard printer with a copier and scanner function many months ago. It sat there forever in its lovely box, all full of high-tech, multi-function promise. I finally set the thing up a few weeks ago only to discover that it was a lemon. I bought it back to Office Max. The manager handed me another one exactly like it (I had no receipt) and sent me out the door. Such a deal, thought I. “What a guy,” thought I. Until I got home and unpacked the bloody thing and found that it had been set up already and was itself a lemon. If it was just a FLOOR MODEL, Miss Manager-Over-The-Phone, why did you feel the need to install printer cartridges in it? HUH?

I schlepped the stupid thing back to Office Max and got what I should have gotten in the first place: an Epson. I set it up in a brainless few minutes and it works beautifully. Done. But since I didn’t have a receipt, I had to spend another $100. Exhalation of fury.

Direct TV idiocy: the channels on my little bedroom TV went out. I hardly watch the thing, so I let it go for a few months. Finally called the 800 number for help and spent 30 minutes on the line with a sweet Minnesota-sounding woman who tried in vain to tutor me on how to fix the bloody transponder. Finally, she agreed to just send me a technical homeboy to get it taken care of. I was stuck at home for the 4-hour period he was scheduled to show up, and he fixed the problem in about five minutes. I WISH MISS MINNESOTA HAD JUST SENT OUT HOMEBOY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

A week later, the living room set channels go kaflooey. I wouldn’t care, except I want to be able to get PBS for October 25th, so I can see the documentary I told you about. Again, the service can’t be fixed by my noodling around inside with some guy over the phone tutoring me. Again, I have to block out a chunk of my day to wait around for a technical homeboy to show up. Technical homeboy #2 gets here at 1:30, climbs up on the roof, replaces a part, and fixes it all in five minutes. HOW COME HOMEBOY #1 DIDN’T DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Meanwhile, Woogoo.com is telling me I have to contact my credit card company in order to get a refund for the deposit I made on one of their rat-infested hotel rooms in NYC. I have to fight with them to get them to act like a legitimate business and just refund ma damn money. I’m staying at my cousin’s. I don’t need the room. I’m still fighting with them via e-mail, corresponding with someone whose first language is obviously not English. PLEASE CALL ME ON THE PHONE, I write. THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER ON THE PHONE.
Exhalation of fury.

A marriage equality organization wants me to contact my legislators and write letters to the editor to block a ballot initiative that could imperil gay marriage in Massachusetts. In 21 days, the legislature will vote on whether or not to put the issue out on a ballot to let the voters decide for or against a constitutional amendment that will overturn the SJC decision that made gay marriage legal.
I know. It’s confusing. I may not even have it quite right yet.
The materials from the organization say, “Tell your legislators to vote against the constitutional amendment!!”
Just as I’m getting ready to call my senator and my rep, I look more closely at the instructions. They’re totally misleading. If I call my anti-gay marriage senator and say, “Please don’t vote for the constitutional amendment,” he’s just going to say, “That’s not what we’re voting on, ma’am. We just want to allow the democratic process to take place and bring it to the voters. This is a vote on whether or not to put the issue on a ballot for a popular vote.”

I do not like being set up to look like an uninformed twerp to my state senator who can easily shoot me down with one condescending correction.
I exchange two or three e-mails with the organization clarifying what the legislative process really is and trying to get talking points that will be accurate and persuasive. WHY COULD I NOT HAVE BEEN PROVIDED ACCURATE TALKING POINTS IN THE FIRST PLACE? DO YOU WANT MY HELP, OR DO YOU WANT TO SEND ME OUT TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL?

This is how the week has gone.

And guess what? I crawl into bed full of irritation and the first thing to go is the nightly prayer practice. I am TOO IRRITATED to pray. Isn’t that smart? Isn’t that just going to do me a world of good? How about eating two bags of Pirate’s Booty? That will be MUCH better for me. Also a Skor bar as a treat today. Like I need that. What am I, a puppy who learned how to pee on the paper? I deserve a treat?

So instead of reading the Bible and my King’s Chapel or Universalist Prayer Book and slowly traveling through the liturgy with a peaceful and open heart these days, I’m reading chapters in Eugene Peterson’s A Long Obedience In the Same Direction. I have my pencil in hand as I read, and while I let the good Christian instruction minister to me, I get to also go, “THIS IS STUPID” and underline bad parts (like when Peterson makes unbelievably ignorant and insulting remarks about Buddhism and calls the Buddha “a big fat guy” — boy, do I get mileage out of that one. Probably five minutes of full body irritation).

Right now it gives me great solace that Jesus was so often irritated with his disciples. I get to growl around and go, “I don’t have to be patient! JESUS wasn’t patient!”

So it’s a struggle. I’m working on a sermon on the first of the Ten Commandments and while I am trying very hard to make something meaningful and beautiful of it, there is a little voice inside going, “WHO CARES ABOUT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS? THIS IS JUST STUPID!”

If I can manage it, I will pray to be relieved of all this irritation, but don’t count on it any time soon. I know myself too well. You could pray for me if you feel so moved, but DON’T EXPECT IT TO WORK. IT’S JUST STUPID.