PeaceBang
The manic mind of the minister -- Auntie Mame Meets Cotton Mather. Blogging about Unitarian Universalism, UU Christian spiritual practice, occasional cultural and political ravings, and the inner life of ministry. PeaceBang is the alter ego of a small town pastor serving an historic New England Unitarian Universalist congregation.
Fat Thoughts
May 14, 2007 on 6:34 am | In Cultural Commentary, Rants: Sexism |Well, this is a very interesting article about why Leonard Nimoy started a series of fat nudes. I’d like to see the exhibit out at Northhampton.
I was more than a little bummed by the last sentence but hey, I don’t find Leonard Nimoy sexually attractive, either, so I’ll live. It’s just that most men in this culture have a default setting not to find fat women sexually attractive as a group, with very little sense that they’ve been essentially brainwashed by Madison Avenue and Hollywood to respond that way. I kind of want to say to Lennie, “Hey Lennie… have you met *every* fat woman? Are you *sure* you’re not attracted to any of them?”
I know aesthetics matter, but I think it’s a lot more than that. I’ve talked about this before, but I don’t mind ranting about it on a regular basis because it’s a serious issue. Too many people in this country equate fat with moral inferiority, sloppiness and laziness. I’ve read literally thousands of personals ads in my day and you’d be surprised how many guys stipulate that they want “a woman who takes care of herself” — when what they mean is “a thin woman.” I work out three times a week and eat really well. I don’t smoke or do any drugs except the occasional cocktail. But fat girls are assumed to not be taking care of ourselves.
What really burns me is the hundreds of guys who take the clarification one step further by writing something like, “I don’t want some woman whose [sic] sitting around eating bon-bons all day,” or “Don’t say you’re ‘curvy’ if your [sic] JUST FAT!”
Oh, I just love those gents. What darlings. They’re just so clear about what they want. You can apparently be an uneducated, drug-addicted felon who spent most of her formative years in juvie hall, but that’s okay. Just don’t be FAT!
Yea, dude, we get it. We get it.
Meanwhile, Prince Charming, I’d like to date a guy who can spell. We all have our dreams.
ANYhoo, this book Rethinking Thin 
has won rave reviews and is basically a debunking of much of the conventional wisdom about fatties and fatness. It’s on my Amazon wish list and I plan to read it this summer. Gina Kolata, I’d like to take you out for sushi, baby!
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Thanks for a great post! This is especially true in a world in which so many woman (young and old) struggle with eating disorders! While the roots might not simply be body image, the general culture certainly does contribute to the problem!
One thought though, many women tease guys for many physical characteristics as well and it is socially acceptable. Just brainstorming now I can think of balding, body hair, size (just think of all the ads on TV that aim at these and other issues to see how common it is).
While eating disorders and unhealthy dieting etc are certainly more damaging, I end up thinking that the solution lies in just not teasing people about their bodies!
Comment by James Richards — May 14, 2007 #
I don’t know what’s wrong with people who think that being fat is a sure sign that a person has deep seated emotional problems.
They see fatness as an indicator that the person struggles with anxiety, depression, greed or loneliness.
Well, big hello - that is true for almost everyone. Also, it is way too easy in our society to be fat, with the quantity, availability, and tastiness of high caloric foods. If you are a person who loves food, good luck to ya. Some people see food as simply fuel - they don’t crave it or think about it or plan days around it; they eat to live - and they are almost always thin.
To my mind, being overweight is just one of many possible things in life that can be stressful or problematic. I don’t think it has to be SO overwhelming, but societal pressure makes it so. On the one hand, everywhere we go, we are being enticed to eat this or that fattening food, and on the other, we are being told to be physically “perfect.”
It’s pretty messed up.
Comment by h sofia — May 14, 2007 #
Good point, James. Teasing about bodies is terrible no matter what. Health is good. Beauty is nice. But most of all we are God’s (or the Universe’s for you non-theists) beloved children, so that’s lens number one when gazing at another human.
PB, while browsing at Malaprop’s, Asheville (NC)’s fabulous independent bookstore which I FINALLY got to during my vaca in Western NC, I saw a book you will love (and my kinswoman Caroline also loved and will recommend on your Beauty Tips blog), Kiss My Tiara, which if you haven’t already read, you must must must. It’s strong, sassy, classy, irreverent, and feminist. And funny.
Comment by Jane R — May 14, 2007 #
What ever happpened to Rubensesque or voluptuous? *sigh*
Comment by BJ — May 14, 2007 #
Dear PB,
Thanks for the great post. I completely agree. There are deep pressures on women in particular to be thin. Furthermore, so many women internalize these messages as feeling ugly or inferior. Might I offer another perspective. I am a hetersexual man who happens to find larger women attractive. For a long time I felt pressure to not date or even reveal this attraction to large women because it wasn’t “cool” or somehow a shameful thing according to my male peers. Somewhere in my late twenties, after having repressed this attraction, I finnally said “to hell with what other people think.” Shortly afterwards I met my wife, who has struggled with her weight but I find her beautiful and tell her so almost every day. We have a great relationship and are very happy in our marriage. But the societal pressure; oh yes it is definately there! Keep fighting the good fight sister!
KYC
Comment by KYC — May 15, 2007 #
Leonard Nimoy is 76 and married. I think it’s reasonable for him to be able to take beautiful pictures without being sexually attracted to his models. The way I read it, he said he’s not “necessarily” attracted to them.
Comment by Ellis — May 15, 2007 #
I don’t think that what irks you is sexism. It is “lookism.” There are groups fighting to outlaw discrimination against people who are overweight. You’re in the right state for that. I predict the legislature of Massachusetts will be the first in the United States to pass laws on the above, if it is done at all. I sympathize with your lamentations about on-line dating. Exercising three times per week (raising your heartrate for at least thirty minutes each time) maintains the cardiovascular status quo. Bicycling to work (exercing twice per day) will melt pounds off, but I wouldn’t bicycle on the roads of Sudbury, where my sister once lived, because they had no shoulders. Not sure about the roads near you. My advice for what it is worth.
Comment by Tom — May 15, 2007 #
No advice needed, Tom. Believe it or not, I’m not trying to lose weight, just keep heart healthy. And no, it is sexism quite specifically that bothers me. Men are not held to the same standard of thinness, nor is the thin/skinny male physique pimped to the female public as the only acceptable body to have.
Comment by PeaceBang — May 16, 2007 #