PeaceBang
The manic mind of the minister -- Auntie Mame Meets Cotton Mather. Blogging about Unitarian Universalism, UU Christian spiritual practice, occasional cultural and political ravings, and the inner life of ministry. PeaceBang is the alter ego of a small town pastor serving an historic New England Unitarian Universalist congregation.
“Recreational Debate.” Ouch.
July 6, 2007 on 1:58 pm | In EX-Unitarian Universalists, Unitarian Universalism |This comment appeared today in response to my July 3 post:
I am sad - I have searched the UU community where I live and found I cannot stay in the UU church without spiritually starving to death. Perhaps there are UU churches elsewhere that are quite different, but that is not the case here. I have begun to explore the Episcopal churches and have been welcome with open arms, spiritually fed while not spiritually oppressed, find that the church is involved in social activism and supportive of their diverse congregations (ethnicity, sexual orientation etc). I thought about staying with the UUs and working toward and hoping for change, but I did not have the physical, mental, emotional or spiritual stamina to do so. My sadness stems from the rejection I experienced in the UU community when I tried to express my concerns. Sad that I could not find a home with them, sad that they have painted themselves into the corner of “my way or no way.” They are a glum lot entrenched in their social activism to the point of the ridiculous - and much of what they label social activism is simply “recreational debate” which is just a wheel spinning going nowhere. I also feel betrayed, the websites I visited from these UU churches assured me how welcoming and inclusive they were.I hope UU’s as a whole find a direction that brings balance and hope for their movement.
I want to thank you, PB, for acknowledging these shortcomings.
KC
Thank you, KC, for speaking your truth and giving us some bruising feedback. May you experience God’s peace and strength with your new community.
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To be honest, KC isn’t the only one.
Comment by Tracie — July 7, 2007 #
KC, I was talking with a colleague at GA and he was reminding me of our old campaign, “Could you be a Unitarian Universalist without knowing it?” And he remarked to me that there were probably millions of Americans who had once been a Unitarian Universalist but who bailed OUT of it, but of course we weren’t interested in hearing THOSE stories!
I know you’ve written about your experience before, but we’re happy to listen if you want to testify again.
Comment by PeaceBang — July 7, 2007 #
It would be an especially appropriate time to get such stories out considering the new “Now is the Time Campaign” to grow the UU faith. Maybe they could start by figuring out how why so many leave?
Comment by tinythinker — July 7, 2007 #
Tiny, that’s a fantastic idea. We should be willing to learn from these stories and to embrace those who tell them.
Comment by PeaceBang — July 7, 2007 #
You know there are millions of ex-Methodists, ex-Catholics, ex-Church of God, etc. Just the last ten years of Ex-Methodists would be more than all the last ten years of UUs. I havent noticed that those denominations collecting those stories …
— If you going to collect these ex-UUs stories, I hope it would be for more than just for wallowing in denominational self-pity.
Comment by Steven R — July 8, 2007 #
@Stephen,I see what you’re saying, but given Unitarian Universalism’s self-congratulatory tendencies (ie, “we’re the river of sanity in a sea of insanity!”), I think we would do well to look at the shadow side more carefully. Especially given the new Please Give Us Money To Grow UUism campaign (sorry, I have forgotten its formal name).
I like to collect stories anyway. All preachers do, I think, ’cause we can USE them!
Comment by PeaceBang — July 8, 2007 #
I stumbled upon this article a few days ago, and for some reason, KC’s comments have stayed with me. I’m glad that KC has found his or her religious home in the Episcopal Church. So… what exactly is the problem, here? And more importantly, what would be the solution? Sure, UU could become more like the Episcopal Church. But who would be served by such a change?
Our congregation includes secular humanists, Buddhists, pagans, Christians who got tired of dogmas and those who have been shunned for being G/L/B/T. For most of, there just isn’t any alternative religious home to which we could (easily) turn if UU did not exist (or became like any other mainline Christian church.)
KC, on the other hand, _did_ find another religious home, one that apparently works better for her or him than UU ever did. Great! (I really do mean that.) Again, what’s the problem? Isn’t this like a chocoholic who complains that Skittles don’t contain chocolate? Just eat M&Ms and be happy!
What am I missing? [I don't think you're missing anything -- I just think it's hard (and important) to get honest feedback along the lines of "your religious life and practices were spiritually starving me." - PB]
Comment by Puzzled in Pennsylvania — August 26, 2008 #
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Wait a minute, Puzzled in Pennsylvania. KC said that he honestly tried to express his concerns, worked to bring about change and was rebuffed. What ELSE do you expect him to do?
Oh, of course…obviously, he ought not expect a church responsive to his concerns or even willing to listen to them. If his needs aren’t being met, even though he’s been led to believe that’s what the church is about (”diversity of belief,” for instance?), he should just leave. Frankly, I’m damned tired of the “Don’t let the door, etc.” dismissal. It only perpetuates the status quo and abdicates the user thereof from any obligation to find out if there might be merit to the complaint.
If UUism is going to claim to tolerate and respect diverse beliefs, then that needs to be not merely given lip service but practiced.
I think that when a church survey shows a clear majority of any particular belief group, that church needs to be especially careful to include reverential representation of a variety of beliefs in services and must be vigilant indeed not to lapse into unexamined “majority rules.”
I mean that for both predominantly theistic as well as atheist-agnostic-secular humanist churches, by the way. Otherwise, it’s too easy to assume that everyone in the church feels represented when that’s not the case.
For instance, now that Pagans are affiliating with the UUA more and more, I’ve heard of UU churches and fellowships whose services are exclusively Pagan rituals. What does that say to a classical Universalist, an agnostic or a UU Christian, to name a few, who might come to that group’s services expecting diversity?
I empathize with KC’s reasons for leaving. They reflect many of mine. Eventually, you get tired of having to work endlessly simply to get ANY kind of halfway respectful representation of some beliefs. Try being a New Age UU if you want a good example of beliefs that not only won’t be represented in most UU churches but are often openly ridiculed.
Comment by Her Dotness — February 8, 2009 #
Sorry, the above ought to have included the following quotation: “Again, what’s the problem? Isn’t this like a chocoholic who complains that Skittles don’t contain chocolate? Just eat M&Ms and be happy!”
Didn’t speak the html language of this site, obviously.
Comment by Her Dotness — February 8, 2009 #
I discovered Kevin’s posts and this thread after I resigned my UU membership recently. I found Kevin’s views a bit cynical but interesting and noteworthy nevertheless. Maybe some UU congregations are beter than others. In recent years, the Sunday Services at my UU church had degenerated into a carnival-like atmosphere with antics such as guess the minister’s weight, someone turning cartwheels on the stage, and songs from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Every week there skits with people dressed in silly hats or animal costumes. One Sunday morning they had a belly dancer on stage. During one service members were invited to come up on stage and show off their tattoos. On a couple of Sundays, the minister tossed a beach ball into the audience and invited parishoners to bat it around during the service.
When I wrote the check for my pledge, I thought, I’m paying for THIS??? NOT! The church had become a spiritual wasteland and my soul was sad and starving for nourishment. I decided to get past my “Christophobia”, which originally drew me to the UU faith almost 20 years ago. The situation at my UU church made Christianity seem so much more appealling. My spouse is still a UU but is considering becoming a Quaker. There is only one UU church in our town. The UU minister was not open to input and there was little use of the democratic process. Members who dared to offer criticism were labeled “anti-cleric” and extruded from participation. It became a toxic, embittering place for me. I recently joined a Protestant faith community that feels like a spiritual home to me. What a breath of fresh air. I was reluctant to leave the UU church because it was my chosen faith of my adulthood, but I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Comment by Nurseholistic — June 4, 2009 #