PeaceBang
The manic mind of the minister -- Auntie Mame Meets Cotton Mather. Blogging about Unitarian Universalism, UU Christian spiritual practice, occasional cultural and political ravings, and the inner life of ministry. PeaceBang is the alter ego of a small town pastor serving an historic New England Unitarian Universalist congregation.
Are Pastors Paid To Love?
July 12, 2007 on 8:15 am | In Mind of the Minister |I’m reading through some of the essays in The Life of Meaning: Reflections on Faith, Doubt and Repairing the World by Bob Abernethy and William Bole. I come across one by Barbara Brown Taylor, who says that she would love to return to service as a parish minister because she really misses the work, but she would never take a paycheck to do it. Here she is:
“I hope I would never take pay again to do that, because it felt too much like being paid to love. And you know what that is, when you get paid to love. I know there are people who can keep their pay separate from their love, but too much of parish ministry seemed to me as if I were being paid to love people. Then my heart got very confused about my job.”
— Barbara Brown Taylor, “I’m Spiritual, Not Religious”
Well, this just floored me (although since I was lying on the couch at the time I didn’t have far to go to the floor). Was she insinuating that those of us who accept a paycheck to do parish ministry are basically prostitutes? Whaaaat? Girl, step off!
I never think of parish ministry as being paid to love people. I feel that I’m being paid to make all of my time and energy available for the work of the church. In fact, what strikes me as eminently sad about parish ministry today is how often ministers seem to do everything BUT love their people, and they think they’re being paid to enlighten and transform them their people in their own image. I mean, you could pay me six figures to do the work of the church, but that doesn’t guarantee love. Love can’t be bought or evaluated. The church knows, I hope, when their pastor loves them. If their pastor doesn’t love them, it doesn’t matter what else he or she does well, does it?
I talk about my call to ministry as a sort of mystical urging, but really it was more like God beat me unconscious in the parking lot, tied my hands and feet together, put a pillowcase over my head and drove off with my body in the trunk of His car. When I came to, I was still trussed up and lying in Andover Hall at Harvard Divinity School. God just couldn’t get me there any other way.
When I grieve over all that I leave undone as a pastor, I try to be compassionate about the fact that I’m incredibly unsuited to the work of ministry, have a really bad temperment for it, the absolutely wrong kind of upbringing, and that it takes me an extraordinary amount of effort just to mold myself into a vague approximation of the the right kind of person for the job. Some pastors engage in spiritual practice to make them yet more patient and wise, tranquil and productive. I engage in spiritual practice just to take the edge off my state of perpetual overwrought angstiness and frustration with the world as it is, and to give me the courage to walk out the door as a representative of the loving God.
But I’ll tell you one thing: it sure never crossed my mind that ministers were being paid to love their people. If I had any doubt that that part would come naturally and pretty effortlessly, I would have cut myself out of those ropes back at Andover Hall and run like hell for my life.
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Amen! God also beat me into submission, though he’s still driving around with me in the trunk at the moment (so please forgive any typos).
You pay a Pastor because they need to not be worrying about a roof over their heads or food on their tables. They need to be doing the work of the church, not trying to make ends meet.
I’m glad Ms. Taylor is so independently wealthy that she can consider not taking a salary but that hardly excuses calling those who must prostitutes.
Hmm, I just bought a book by the woman, I’m now a little worried as to the content.
-Tandaina
Comment by Tandaina — July 12, 2007 #
Yeah, I don’t get that at all. For me personally, loving isn’t the most important part anyway. I’ve got lots of people who love me.
Helping me figure out how to live an unambiguous life in an ambiguous world is your job, IMHO.
CC
Comment by Chalicechick — July 12, 2007 #
No time to comment now, but I don’t think she’s so far off. . . .
Comment by Scott (Boy in the Bands) — July 12, 2007 #
Barbara Brown Taylor is an excellent preacher, but after reading Leaving Church, I wasn’t left with much respect for her as a minister. Although I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong, I could see the looming disaster coming in the story early on. She seemed to have unrealistic expectations of what the job of minister was, and of her own self in that role.
The way I see it, I became a minister because I recognized a capacity and felt a call to love the people (whether or not they wanted it or deserved it
). Because I recognized the ability, I’d be doing that no matter what my role. I’m being paid to deal with all the other stuff that comes with the job (and, having been manager/supervisor/administrator in other arenas, there’s no way I’m doing that for free).
Comment by Obijuan — July 12, 2007 #
Paid to love? Heck, our previous minister had to be paid to leave.
Comment by david — July 12, 2007 #
So what immediately strikes me is two things:
1. Sex workers aren’t paid for love as she suggests. They’re paid for sex. I think there’s enough written about the difference between sex and love that I don’t need to say anything else.
2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being paid for work. And as Tandaina says I’m glad Barbara’s independently wealthy and doesn’t need to be paid for her work. Even if she were right, and ministers were paid to love, I would say that they should be paid MORE for their work, and not LESS.
Comment by Ms. Theologian — July 12, 2007 #
I hope she doesn’t start to love her readers or she will be out of a job…
CC
Comment by Chalicechick — July 12, 2007 #
If Barbara Brown Taylor really thinks that a minister is paid to love people, well, no wonder she burned out in the parish, for all of her obvious talents.
Ministers are paid for a bunch of things; to provide spiritual leadership to the people of the church, institutional leadership with lay leaders, and to extend ministry to those in need. Hopefully, all of those tasks, and others, are done in a spirit of compassion, but that’s completely different from a duty to love. (and who wants to be loved out of duty?)
Those in the ministy to love (or those who are in the ministry to be loved, for that matter) are bound to be disappointed.
Comment by Christine Robinson — July 12, 2007 #
Perhaps what she means is that ministers who are forcing themselves to “love” their flock simply to be paid are no better than prostitutes.
Doing “it” only for the money cheapens any work. If you would only (fill in the blank: flip burgers, run for mayor) for a large sum of cash, then it isn’t the right work for you. And yet, for those who are called to that work (love to cook, love to lead, love to be of service in that way) the money is not the main point.
We all need to be paid so that we can live. Many are forced into jobs they hate by poverty and circumstances. That can be a soul-sucking path, both for the worker and those around them. How much more terrible, then, for ministers who should be supporting souls to be themselves in a job they aren’t suited for?
BTW, PB, I think your description of yourself as being “unsuited” for ministry is all off. Who said the call is only suited for pious goody-two-shoes? I’ve met a few Rev. Pollyanas, but they are rare and I’ll wager they aren’t particularly good at their job. Every snarky angel you wrestle in order to love other real humans into their best selves makes you a BETTER minister.
Bitchy, impatient, full of self-doubt? Woo hoo! I’m in the right place. Let’s ride this spiritual journey together.
Comment by Louise — July 12, 2007 #
I hope that most ministers don’t feel like they’re paid to love. In most cases, they aren’t paid enough; so if they were being paid to love, then we would be saying that love isn’t worth much.
As much money as most ministers come out of seminary owing, I find it a little disingenuous to even put it out there that you would not take a church’s token of all the hard work that you put into being a minister.
Comment by soon-to-be theology student — July 12, 2007 #
there are lots of churches that dont pay their ministers. It’s an old established tradition, which they believe is Biblically based. I understand the Later Day Saints, Primitive Baptists, are a couple of them, a lot of Holiness etc also do this.
Other denominations believe that a paid ministry, gives the minister time to do services that the Church requires and requests. Most mainline denominations fit in this group.
Comment by Steven R — July 12, 2007 #
From lay side of the altar rail…
You are called to vocation and I am thankful that you, and others are called and have responded (that ‘Here I am’ response has been nothing but trouble since…). I think that you would have to be crazy to be a Pastor/Priest as a job. I think that you are paid to teach, show, lead, cajole, and remind the rest of us that we are here to love one another as we have been loved - even, and especially when we are at our most unlovable worst. With that reminder comes the exhortation for all of us to take that outside into the workd and make or help reveal the Kingdon of God here on Earth. That is a gift. That is a calling. Thank you.
You are being paid for being the Adult Supervision. If you were a Kindergarten Teacher, you would be seeing that resources (paper, crayons, milk, graham crackers) are equitably distributed, that all work together, that no one wanders on out the door into the traffic, that those who need to go see the nurse or need to go to the potty get the attention that they need, that no one sticks the paper clips into the light socket, and that the students don’t run with or stab each other with the scissors. I imagine that my the clergy at my church can identify with the description of the Kindergarten Teacher most days.
Keep at it.
BJ
Comment by BJ — July 12, 2007 #
As a pastor I am paid to preach the word of God and do the sacraments of baptism and eucharist. The administration, leading, meeting, pastoral care all fall under preaching/sacraments.
I consider the loving as a fringe benefit!
As far as whether one is qualified to do ministry. I believe that God does not call the qualified to do ministry, rather God qualifies the called.
Comment by God Guurrll — July 13, 2007 #
I always think of “pastor” as the one who takes care of people. I wish I were a better pastor. I’m a preacher and teacher, and even a fair administrator. I have a love for God, the Church, the liturgy, and the sacraments, and I think I communicate that love to others. And I do have a love for people, but that’s not paid for.
I love BBT. I have heard her speak and preach on numerous occasions, and have read a couple of her books (including Leaving Church) — but the collections of sermons don’t do much for me. But I do think she had a need to be indispensible and to be all things to all people.
As for unpaid ministry — Jesus just said last week that the worker (minister) deserves to be paid.
But can one really dispute how SHE felt? If SHE felt like a prostitute, then far be it from me to take that away from her.
Comment by Ann — July 14, 2007 #
I guess that’s why BB Taylor is not a parish pastor any more. I don’t think it’s being paid to love. I do love the people, and the work (well, not 100% of the time), but I’m called to the mission of the church in a particular place, to help articlate a vision, to “equip the saints” for their ministry. I just don’t think that’s the same as being “paid to love.”
Comment by Diane — July 14, 2007 #
I guess I would just add this: if you have to be paid, is loving the worse thing on the list? Many people are paid for many things, and I’m guessing that being paid to love (if that’s what ministry’s about, which I don’t think it is) would be better than anything else.
Comment by Kaji — July 14, 2007 #
I feel some ambivalence about this issue. On the one hand, we pay professionals to care for us all the time–therapists, physicians, nail techs, you name it–and the lines seem pretty clear. The thing with pastors is, on some level we really are paid friends to some people. We are expected to call them on their birthdays, to just “know” when they are sick or sad, and to make smart, pleasant banter at their parties. For other professions there are ethical guidelines that draw pretty clear boundaries around most of this. As a social worker I can ethically “fire” someone, particularly if they consistently ignore the boundaries of our relationship or disregard our agreements, but as a pastor? Much more difficult.
From my experience as a pastor of a congregation, I have my moments of agreement with BBT. As always she speaks the truth, but a hard truth. I love the sacramental parts of being clergy, I love the moments of real connection where God’s love is really made mainfest, but the other expectations that have nothing to do with all that were extreme and unexpected for me.
Part of the problem is that I don’t think people value the sacraments so much–having the Eucharist or being blessed while one is sick isn’t all that valued. Having someone to chat with is more valued.
For other people the sacraments are very commodified: I was asked to do a home baptism for people who did not attend church, by a friend of a friend, and offense was taken when I said that I’d be glad to if they came to the church but otherwise I could not (this wasn’t an emergency or a sick baby that couldn’t be around people–I’d make exceptions in plenty of cases.) I wasn’t being exclusive, but for me and for my tradition there has to be some sense of connection to the community. One can’t just get the baby “done”. Weddings are the same way. I was asked to do weddings on a couple weeks’ notice by people who were not involved with our church, because we have a beautiful building, and it was considered insulting that I thought some modicum of respect for the tradition (like six months notice, three premarital counseling sessions and a small fee for the use of the building) was too much to ask (although the flowers had been arranged and the dress bought nine months’ prior).
Currently I’m home caring for my little kids full time, and I’m glad for the time to punt and regroup. I have a feeling when I return to paid ministry, it will be in an environment where I have more control of my involvement, perhaps as a therapist or a chaplain. There is a sense of being owned in the parish that really can be draining.
Comment by Madgebaby — July 15, 2007 #
PB - I can really hear what Barbara Brwwn Taylor (and Madgebaby) are saying. The same has been said, with, ahem, a little more prophetic fire by folks from Roger Williams to Carlyle Marney. Now I’m sure that there are folks who can navigate the challenges of paid ministry in good ways. But, for the reasons cited by Taylor among others, I am happy to be part of a tradition (independent sacramental christianity) which is largely served by volunteer clergy. This requires “church” to be organized differently from the mainstream norm - smaller communities, a larger percentage of the membership ordained to some form of ministry (so there are enough hands on deck to get things done), creative forms of mentoring to train new clergy, different expectations regarding pastoral availability, etc, etc. Of course, this approach has its own problems. But it can be done well, and for myself, I really wouldn’t have it any other way.
Comment by John Plummer — July 16, 2007 #
John - interesting! And thank you for the references to other folks - I’d like to learn more about these other models for ministry.
Comment by h sofia — July 16, 2007 #
I do think she was very clear that this was strictly HER experience. She clearly did have unrealistic expectations of herself, and that’s why she burned out, I believe. Brutal honesty (primarily with oneself, but also with others) about what one can and cannot do is essential in the ordained ministry, I believe. I am paid, in part, to CARE FOR people — different from loving. When people are dying or have died, are struggling, are fighting, etc. I am paid to care for, tend, and advise them as an ordained member of Christ’s body. Sometimes it’s the greatest grace and privilege of my life. Sometimes I’d rather be watching “Top Chef” with a glass of wine (oh, okay, I admit it — even Dr. Phil with an iced tea). But the thought of faithful parishioners dying without their pastor and priest at their side keeps me caring for them. But I don’t believe “love” can be paid for or commanded. Still, I do believe this is Taylor’s thought, and not meant to apply to others.
Comment by Ann — August 16, 2007 #
A non-Christian once again cites Jesus; “The workman is worthy of his wages.”
Only the wealthy and the almost-wealthy, supported by a successful working spouse have the option of working without pay. If they choose to do so, that’s fine–but I think that it would be a disastrous model for parish ministry, at least for us. On average, people perceive what they pay for very differently from what they’re just given. They value it differently. Hell, you can see it in attitudes where someone’s paid $1 to see a film, and a free film. There’s investment in something that you pay for.
I also think that the word “love” is too big a truck for what we expect a minister to do. I am certainly not intending to be my congregation’s lover. But the term “caritas” that often gets translated as love works just fine. I can care, and have deep affection and concern for… and do a bunch of work on behalf of that congregation that calls me.
I’ve seen the challenge to, and the demands on–and the lack of appreciation and respect given to clerg–who are just there as a gift of themselves. I’m sure there are times and places where it’s appropriate. I have no lack of regard for those who do such work. But it’s rarely appreciated or valued as it should be, and the work itself–what’s done–isn’t valued either.
Comment by Patrick McLaughlin — February 4, 2008 #