PeaceBang
The manic mind of the minister -- Auntie Mame Meets Cotton Mather. Blogging about Unitarian Universalism, UU Christian spiritual practice, occasional cultural and political ravings, and the inner life of ministry. PeaceBang is the alter ego of a small town pastor serving an historic New England Unitarian Universalist congregation.
The Nefarious Plot Between the Cat and the Serpent
September 21, 2007 on 7:26 am | In Cat Blogging, Just Funny |A few weeks ago I saw a cat toy in the hallway when I came in the house. At least I thought it was a cat toy until it began to wriggle across the floor, at which point I realized that it was a SNAKE!!
A SNAKE IN THE HOUSE!
I think I already told you about this, but bear with me.
This wasn’t a big snake. It was actually very small and pretty, so after my initial heart attack I decided I could handle this like a seasoned New Englander. I got some rubber-ended tongs and grabbed the little dude and tossed him into the garden (more accurately, “that mess of plants by the side of the house.”). Suddenly I remembered that if one wants to banish critters from the house, one does well to take them a farther distance than two feet from the front door, so I nabbed the little writhing sucker again, determined to take him out to the woods. But he squirmed and hissed in such a convincing manner, persuading me with all his snakely being that he was Deeply Unhappy with this treatment, I left him where he was with stern admonishment to stay outside.
“I have a CAT,” I told him. “I DON’T want you two to meet.”
And that, dear readers, should have been that. But it wasn’t.
A few weeks later as I was picking basil from my real garden, who do you think slithered right over my foot, looking very handsome and just a few sizes bigger than he had been three weeks before? We had words. I told him that if that was his idea of a neighborly relationship, I had worse than tongs in store for him. I didn’t mind him living in the yard but he was NOT to make personal contact, did he hear? Especially not over my bare foot!! Was he trying to give me a heart attack? He laughed at me from the yard.
The next morning, dear readers, I saw this in the hallway on the way to the bathroom:
What would you have thought?
But it wasn’t. It was, in fact, an old drawstring that Miss Ermengarde had apparently unearthed from somewhere and arranged in that fetching serpentine design for my maximum hysterical reaction.
Then it occurred to me: the cat and the snake are in cahoots! They’re trying to kill me and get the house and the car! And the snake probably wants my job, too!
I went downstairs to find Ermengarde doing yoga and informed her that I was onto her. She of course feigned total innocence,
but I heard her talking on her cell phone late into the night.
We haven’t seen the snake since.
I keep looking for him in the garden because for a snake, he actually has a lot of charm. Maybe he’ll want to come inside and live with us for the winter. He could be very cozy in a little terrarium. Ermie can catch mice for him to eat. It could all be very “Circle of Life.”
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A few years back, the usual gang of weekend warriors were trying to do some fall clean-up on our church grounds when a big ol’ garter snake slithered out of the leaves we’d raked out from under some lilacs, occasioning many starts and shrieks from the tenderer volunteers.
Our RE director, a seasoned veteran of many worse surprises, calmly observed that there were a few other churches in town to whom it would not come as news that the Serpent had been discovered lurking in our Garden.
Comment by fausto — September 21, 2007 #
Fausto…LOL!!!!
PB, snakes scare me and being a new transplant to the NE states I am encountering them for the first time. One day in the summer there was a garter snake slithering by the front door of my apartment building. I freaked and ran to the back door. I called my land lord in a panic about the snake and she told me that they are part of our natural enviroment. In my ministry in this quaint small town in the NE states I have had to deal with chipmunks, bats, snakes and other little critters running in and out of my church and home. I am thinking I should get me a St. Francis medal to guide me in my ministry.
Comment by God Guurrll — September 21, 2007 #
What a cutie. I love garter snakes, not so found of their poisonous cousins.
Comment by Tandaina — September 21, 2007 #
That’s a photo of a garter snake that I found that looks like my friend. He isn’t that big yet, but I think the markings are similar. The cat, however, is the genuine article.
Comment by PeaceBang — September 21, 2007 #
God Guurrll, did you think they whipped up the phrase “bats in the belfry” out of thin air?
Comment by fausto — September 21, 2007 #
Back when we lived in the NE my cat loved to come outside to “help” me garden. He loved hiding in the tall plants then jumping out to pounce on my hands and chasing butterflies, but I think his very favorite thing was stalking the garter snakes that live beneath the ground cover plants.
When he caught one he’d proudly prance over to me with the snake dangling out of each side of his mouth — or he’d take it to the driveway and drop it. On the driveway the snake would accomidate him by rolling up into a ball that Sonic could bat around. He was in cat heaven until I noticed and gently put the snake back into the garden.
Comment by mindthing — September 21, 2007 #
When I lived in Kansas we had reptiles aplenty in the yard - garter snakes, a box turtle, and some Italian wall lizards that had escaped Italy and made themselves quite at home on my back steps. They never failed to startle me, but I liked them, and I miss them very much now that I live in Illinois.
One year I helped with a reptile census in the Flint Hills. A huge group of us, mostly college students, but some kids (including my kindergarten age daughter) walked through a designated area, flipping over the rocks and grabbing anything under them. We placed our catch in clear plastic bags until they could be identified and released.
I have a picture of my daughter, holding up two big bags of snakes, and whenever I look at it I wonder what I possibly could have been thinking to take her on such an “adventure”. I have to say, though, that she is now 21 years old and quite fearless.
Comment by cindy, really — September 21, 2007 #
I can deal with bats in the belfry, just not in my office or my guild room or in my hair.
Comment by God Guurrll — September 21, 2007 #
::evil grin::
Don’t move to Florida. Snakes are known to come up through people’s plumbing. Yup, that does mean while someone was sitting on the porcelain throne.
Comment by Tracie — September 21, 2007 #
Hey, if you want more snake-alia, have you read Dont Lets Go To The Dogs Tonight? I just finished it, so its on my mind. It’s not for the faint of heart, but theres some incredible snake stuff in there.
Comment by juniper — September 22, 2007 #