PeaceBang

The Fam

When I was a little kid my Mom would often say, “I love you a million, trillion hearts.” That went on for years. When we talk on the phone still today, we always say “I love you” before we hang up (it’s a family thing with all of us). Lately when I tell her I love her before hanging up, Mom has been responding “I love you MORE.” And then I say, “I love YOU more!” and then we go back and forth until she goes, “Okay!” and then we crack up laughing.

Let me just say for all of you who are dreading the family thing this week that I feel for you. I feel for you and I pray for you, because my immediate family and I have gone through some bloody battles indeed and fought for the relative peace and harmony we enjoy today. I remember when Mom was in rehab and immediately thereafter, when a letter from her in my mailbox at college would start my heart to pounding with dread. I’d have to take it unopened to my therapist Jan and read it in her office where I felt safe. And I don’t even want to tell you how much work my sis and I have done trying to better understand each other over the years! But it was worth every screaming fight we had because we had a common goal and we got there.

Family is an intense business, my friends. Nothing hurts like family. Romance gone bad comes close, but not very. Family pain is like nothing else.

So be careful out there as the holidays begin, with all their tremulous expectation, vulnerability, control freakishness on parade, and sarcasm that cuts. Keep your friends on speed dial, take long walks and breathe deep, and remember that there is One who loves you perfectly, as you are, and that you don’t need to perform, to achieve, to conform, to fib, or to make nice-nice to earn that love.

To my family: I am thankful for you every day. I wish we could all be together on Thanksgiving (BrotherBang, Sister-In-LawBang and NephewsBangs, it’s such a joy to have you here that I’ve been getting misty-eyed over it all morning) but it’s wonderful to know that we’re together in spirit. I love you a million, trillion hearts.