PeaceBang

Thursday Night, 10:30 pm Cat Blogging

November 29, 2007 on 11:52 pm | In Cat Blogging | 2 Comments

I come home from a late night pre-Christmas confab with my Music Director and see Ermengarde’s love-lorn boyfriend, a fat orange cat named Brinks, outside the kitchen window. I kind of love Brinks. He’s huge and fluffy and he’s a sweet preppy guy you can imagine serving you and g & t on the boat. If he was a human he’d be wearing Docksiders and a polo shirt. I like his people, too, but they live across the street and it’s a busy street, so I worry that Brinks is gonna get creamed traipsing over here to serenade my girl. Who isn’t even a girl since she was spayed long ago. She must still has some mojo, I guess, because Brinks is always over here trying to persuade her to sneak out the window and go on dates with him.

So there’s the fluffy guy in the driveway and I see Erm in the window all bristly and upset and I go inside to talk her down. She has Puff Tail and she’s kind of hyperventilating and gasping. As you may recall, she has asthma so this is not cool. I take a broom outside and fake-whack Brinks and he scuttles away, guilty as sin. “Do you want to kill your girlfriend!” I yell at his retreating back.

Then, inside. Me to the cat: “Now, listen. You need to learn to handle the neighborhood boys better than this. Look at you, all hysterical. He’s not going to do anything to you, he just likes to check you out through the window. {pet, pet} You’d better calm down. Stop being such a spoiled princess. Other cats live on the planet, too, you know. And soon you’re going to have a new doggie cousin who isn’t much bigger than you, and you’re going to have to get along with her.”

And then just because I don’t have kids and I never get to say this, “If you don’t behave yourself, SANTA IS NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU ANYTHING IN YOUR STOCKING!”

It was kind of fun, actually. She does have her own stocking, of course. She’s received two from members of my congregation and one has her whole name on it in perfect little felt letters. E-R-M-E-N-G-A-R-D-E. It’s that cute, too, hanging in the parlor over the fireplace.

I put the candles in the windows tonight and I swear that’s all the energy I have for Christmas decorating this year. I have never been so not in the spirit of the season. Maybe something magical will happen on the first Sunday of Advent. I’m hoping.