PeaceBang
The manic mind of the minister -- Auntie Mame Meets Cotton Mather. Blogging about Unitarian Universalism, UU Christian spiritual practice, occasional cultural and political ravings, and the inner life of ministry. PeaceBang is the alter ego of a small town pastor serving an historic New England Unitarian Universalist congregation.
Loving Pregnancies, Loving Babies, Abandoning Children
January 4, 2008 on 2:57 pm | In Cultural Commentary, Rants: Sexism |So I’m on the treadmill the other day watching the news with one eye (”Family Feud” with the other) and I see CNN reporting that another young lass has given birth into a toilet because she didn’t know she was pregnant. They show the gal and her really cute newborn and part of me is going “oh, the BAY-BEE, I’m so glad it’s safe and not smooshed or drowned” and the other part of me is going, “If I had given birth into a toilet because I had not realized I was pregnant, would I be so eager to appear on national TV?”
That and the Jamie Lynn Spears thing is really getting me down about that bizarre, Girls (And Guys!) Gone Wild feeling in the culture lately around pregnancy. Is it just me, or are we getting mad stoopid about pregnancy? We’ve got this carnival of international celebrity adoptions that no one can shut up about (one recent tab headline: “SHILOH IN TROUBLE:” because, apparently Angelina Jolie pays more attention to her adopted than to her biological daughter). We had Bridget Moynahan working her swollen belly in front of every available paparazzo after her break-up with Tom Brady for maximum media coverage and feminine sympathy (I felt manipulated and suspicious — why should pregnancy make someone suddenly SO famous? Tacky, Ms. Moynahan. You’re a grown woman. Put that stomach away. People break up, men cheat. You should not be leveraging that fact in order to get your abdomen front page coverage. Before your pregnancy, I had never heard of you. Way to exploit your child for fame before it’s even born!).
Let’s not even talk about the statistics on murdering pregnant women. It’s too horrific to even contemplate.
The Britney Spears spectacle isn’t even close to funny any more. She was apparently hospitalized today for being high and refusing to give up custody of her two sons. (Anyone else out there guessing that a woman of lesser fame and income level would have been cuffed and taken to the slammer for pulling similar shenanigans?)
Columnist Ellen Goodman wrote a terrific piece here, “Changing the Script on Teen Pregnancy” that expresses my mixed feelings about the spate of she-got-accidentally-pregnant-and-is-keeping-the-baby movies out now (I ADORED “Knocked Up,” but I’m still leery of the cultural trend here); please read it. What I see is a widespread fantasy-spinning about the realities of child-rearing along with a total lack of simultaneous discussion on the failure of abstinence-only birth control, and about social services, health care, and poverty issues that affect millions and millions of children in this country alone. And I have a feeling that the conservatives in power want it just that way. We just love pregnancy stories and we looooove the bay-bees, but we really don’t want to sacrifice any of our own comforts or privileges to assure that they all have decent health care, food in their bellies, a decent education no matter where they live, and child care when their mothers have to work.
I’m looking around lately at messages to women in this culture and what I’m getting is something like, “At her very best, the American Woman should be be thin, rich, an ideal consumer, plastic-perfect, and pregnant.”
Meanwhile… Mike Huckabee’s triumph in Iowa makes me want to go take an 8 year nap.
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I still don’t know who Bridget Moynahan is, other than what I’ve gathered from this post.
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Comment by Chalicechick — January 4, 2008 #
Dear all- Ive had several years of being a Head Start teacher before heading off to seminary- society doesn’t want abortions, but also doesn’t want to fund the babies who are being had by 16 year olds….while I applaud every mother who has ever had a baby, it takes a LOT of work- and dollars- to feed and support a child- if society is going to push women not to have abortions, then society had better pony up!
Comment by nancy — January 4, 2008 #
Amen PeaceBang! Don’t get me started on the need for comprehensive sex education. I will offer a teaser to say that I took the UU About Your Sexuality (AYS) curriculum (the precursor to Our Whole Lives/OWL) when I was a young adolescent, and my parents’ decision to sign me up for that was one of the best things they could have done for me at that age.
Comment by claire — January 4, 2008 #
I’m completely frightened by this tide of evangelicalism overtaking America. I feel like we’re on a brink of another Great Awakening. I want to run and hide. It seems like the more we learn scientifically, the more scared people are becoming so they reject logic for mysticism. I’m worried about Mike Huckabee’s backing by the evangelicals. Ten years ago, I didnt even know what the word “evangelical” meant… now it’s everyday language.
The pregnancy issue plagues me constantly. I cant understand these women who get “accidentally” pregnant. I’ve never wanted to get pregnant and I’ve managed to not have an accident thus far. But I also use my contraception religiously. Cuz. Duh. I dont want to get pregnant.
Comment by Mars Girl — January 4, 2008 #
I often wonder how there can be so many movies or stories about women accidentally getting pregnant, but there is never anything about women (and men) contracting STDs. It’s one thing if you’re in a long term or committed relationship and you get pregnant, but all of these “one night stand” or “brief affair” pregnancies make me wonder if Hollywood’s untold story isn’t how many of our favorite stars are dealing with herpes, and other illnesses.
Comment by h sofia — January 4, 2008 #
Ok, I looked up Bridget and she has my feminine sympathy.
And I’d like to put the famous men of the world on notice: If you knock me up and leave me for another girl while I’m in that condition, I will be tacky about it. In fact, Bridget is Jackie O compared to how I’m would be.
Also, the above story ends thusly:
Brady, who often keeps low-profile, has been the center of media attention lately for dating Bündchen while facing fatherhood with his ex. “It doesn’t affect anyone but me anyway,” he says, “so why is it a big deal?”
As Tom’s apparent failure to grasp the effect of his actions on his ex-girlfriend and kid flags him as a complete tool, maybe my real sympathy should be for Gisele.
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Comment by Chalicechick — January 4, 2008 #
Don’t take an 8-year nap because of Mike Huckabee! Don’t forget that there are as many evangelicals who are like Jimmy Carter as there are to George W. Bush.
There are progressive evangelicals out there. And even people like Rick Warren and others are talking about the issues that many of us care about.
Part of the reason that we’re so manic about anything baby is because we don’t talk about sexuality in a wholistic way. One day we will.
Comment by Kim Hampton — January 4, 2008 #
Here, here!!! (Bridget Moynahan had a very brief role in Sex and the City…forgettable is the best word to describe it).
The cult of pregnancy is disturbing to say the least.
Comment by Kate — January 4, 2008 #
Just saw Juno tonight. Laughed from beginning to end. But I wonder if it is too rosy a picture of unplanned pregnancy??
Comment by Rev Em — January 5, 2008 #
I was disturbed tonight to see a commercial during “Talk Soup” about the “damage” that abortion causes for women. No doubt paid for by another one of those deep-pocketed anti-choice businessmen, and I do mean men.
Comment by revtoots — January 5, 2008 #
Perhaps I’m a female sexist, but whenever I hear a guy stating his views on abortion, I’m overcome by this urge to tell him to just shut up (in some cases, my urge is to slap him). There’s nothing that irks me more than a man proclaiming his view on abortion, as if he had final say in the matter. It just reminds me of the days when men considered women their possessions. *shudder*
Comment by Mars Girl — January 5, 2008 #
Mars - I kind of understand what you mean, although it seems fair for anyone to have a view on anything. The question is what they expect to do about it. I’ve heard similar sentiments about women in regards to male circumcision, by the way. I disagree with that, too.
Comment by h sofia — January 5, 2008 #
Extra bonus treat: maternal profiling (it’s not just for actual mothers!): http://www.momsrising.org/node/710
Comment by Mary Ann — January 5, 2008 #
re article Mary Ann posted link to:
I had no idea what percentage of American women had children - the article says 82% have children by the age of 44. That means almost one out of every five women doesn’t have children by the time she’s in her mid-40s. That surprises me; one out of five is really quite a significant number.
Comment by h sofia — January 5, 2008 #
1. From the very beginning, well before the advent of the talkies, Hollywood spun fables and fantasies that had no basis in reality whatsoever. This current trend of romanticizing pregnancy without providing anything resembling the true reality of what it’s like to be a mother and have ALL the responsibilities that go along with is merely the latest incarnation.
2. Mars Girl,
I, too, see where you’re coming from, however, my views on abortion come with no caveat attached that specifies I (or anyone else of my gender) ought to be the final authority on the matter. If anything, my views on abortion are deeply ambivalent, an uneasy truce between “legal right that should be granted to all women” and “necessary evil”.
The Ellen Goodman piece referenced here seems to me to be evidence that both the right and left are conceding truth to doctrine. It’s not particularly Christian to believe “hate the sin, love the sinner” and then to criticize a single mother. Nor is it particularly realistic on our part to believe that abortion is anything less than a heart-wrenching, painful decision any woman should have to make, albeit one which should always be legal and available.
I just hate seeing any instance of a young woman who made a decision likely based on ignorance, potentially based on a carelessness, be somehow glorified because she made the decision to keep her child. That “victory”, if you can call it that, is a pretty hollow one indeed. There aren’t any winners when another unwanted child is conceived.
Comment by Comrade Kevin — January 6, 2008 #
I think this is just another way our society devalues the important work of motherhood. Babies are sort of a fashion accessory or something to collect and dress up.
The fact that these women aren’t more choosy about the people with whom they create life is pretty disgusting. I’m not talking about sexual activity in a larger sense, but the fact that being a mother is important and time consuming long after the cute “bump” on the runway.
Poor, sad, Britney is just the canary in the mine. Those of us who are mothers or who value motherhood should be outraged at the sanguine way parenthood is depicted in hollywood.
[Your comment makes me think of something else, too, Madge. There are many who love and care about children who are not mothers or parents but who are dismissed from any conversations about “family values” because we’re not parenting children. We watch this commodification of bay-bees in the media (”baby bump watch!” — as you say, they’re accessories) and fall silent and angry, knowing that someday we’ll be picking up the pieces of these children’s neglected bodies and souls as ministers, teachers, social workers, therapists, mentors, trusted older friends (perhaps the only reliable adult the child has known), extended family members, etc. I don’t think this is about valuing motherhood as much as it is about valuing children. The glorification of pregnancy for its own sake tells me that we love mommies as biological entities but could care less about the human beings they give birth to. That’s why I called George Bush a “fetus worshiper” during a speech at a Planned Parenthood rally in 1999 in Washington, DC. I still can’t believe I wasn’t shot. - PB]
Comment by Madgebaby — January 7, 2008 #
oh bridget moynahan played that annoying “everything is ok” scientician [sic] from the movie i-robot. and tom brady sounds like a brat, god help their child!
i too wouldn’t go to napping just yet. but if we do end up with huckabee as prez, i will move to a far off island and declare my own little country. you are all welcome to immigrate there, no worries about minute men.
speaking of men, minute or otherwise, i too think it’s unfair to chide them (us?) for having opinions on abortion. after all, a man is partly responsible for the pregnancy (whether he owns up to it or not) and based on the decisions of the woman in question, may be legally liable for financial & parental support. like kevin i find myself in that grey-area of “legal right but maybe less than ideal situation.” in the end, as i’ve learned from my far-right (!!) grandmother (who was an OBGYN nurse for nearly 50 years) the realities of any given unplanned pregnancy are too complex for any of us to make absolute pronouncements for others.
and pb you are right-on about valuing children; i know too many kids who are pawns in parental games and i can’t help but want to spank the parents and send them to bed. as far as i’m concerned, the minute you decide to create/adopt and care for another human life, that life is your #1 priority.
Comment by NDM — January 7, 2008 #
Good point made much earlier about few movies dealing with the consequences of sex and STD’s. The first ones that came to mind were Kids and The Last Days of Disco. Clearly not recent.
I can see that Juno was a bit rosy from some respects. At the same time, my mother and my spouse and I thought it was a lot better than expected - and we thought it would be good.
And having just watched my younger brother and his wife handle caring for their month-old daughter, I agree those accidental mom movies are tiresome.
Comment by jinnis — January 7, 2008 #
I think that the movies only depict the pregancy part because it is the fun part and the actual daily caring for a baby is so tiresome, montonous, and stressful that it would not make cute little comedy. Having my son last year awoke me to the realities of motherhood. I cannot believe how exhausting it is; that is not to say I do not love it. However, you do give yourself to your child. I often think my son thinks of me as his slave. I recently read (the first time I have been able to read a book since my son was born last February) Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weirner. Since she is a mom I think she truly captured the essence of caring for a newborn– from the never ending advice to the fears that if you don’t do what the books say your child will end up a deliquant. Motherhood is hard. I think that so much in our life has been made easier. For the most part we don’t grow our own food, or wash our clothes in a sink, but the basics of motherhood really has not changed and it is exhausting.
Comment by Kim — January 10, 2008 #
Pregnancy and birth rates are up for all groups of women, not just teens. How much of the rise in teen pregnancies is part of the overall trend of more babies? Like a friend said at the Unitarian Universalist General Assembly last summer: Breed liberal!
Comment by Sarah — January 17, 2008 #