From Max the Dog

Dear Readers,

Let me introduce myself. I am Max, the adorably small and tender dog of PeaceBang. Do not allow my preference for playing tug-of- war with a sock, peeing against old tree stumps, and jumping on counters deceive you. I am actually a highly sensitive and intelligent being, and I am amazed that some Unitarian Universalists and other religious people have made such unkind judgments and generalizations about me and my kind on this and other social networking sites in the past few days.

Beagles have inherent worth and dignity, human friends, and we are all individuals. I, for instance, have a particularly sweet temperament and yet I have been accused against all evidence to the contrary of being “hyper” and prone to obnoxious behaviors; all because I am of a particular breed of canine. I assure you that this kind of prejudice toward beagles has not gone unnoticed by the Department of Beagle Acceptance at our U.S. headquarters in Boston, where there have been daily expressions of concern regarding the surge in negative press about beagles since my adoption by PeaceBang and SweetieBang.

Remember, human friends, that love is greater than fear, and kibble is greater than all of these. Because it seems necessary to remind some of you of the proper etiquette regarding the adoption of canine companions, please know that the only appropriate response to the news that a human has taken one of us into their homes is “Congratulations!” or perhaps “Mazel tov!” We assure you that, as we are a grateful and generous breed, we beagles always express nothing more than a hearty “We hope you love your new home” when we learn that one of ours is going to spend their days with one of yours. Yes, we know that some humans are hyper and obnoxious, that you howl and are needy, and that many of you are quite destructive. Yet we would never dream of generalizing about your entire species and ask that extend the same consideration to all of us.

Beagles Are Beautiful!

Thank you for your time.

Hearts and bones,

Max Comes Home 035

14 Replies to “From Max the Dog”

  1. Dear Max:

    I am also named Max. I am also adopted by two loving people who knew full well what they were getting themselves into, when they chose to fail at fostering me. We have been a happy pack for almost five years now and I am told I am a very good boy. But the reactions when my mom and dad first told people they were adopting me? You wouldn’t even believe what their loving friends and family considered “helpful advice.” (As you say, “congratulations” would have been just fine.) I am a boxer/pitbull mix, as best as we can all figure out, and many of my now-friends and now-family thought they were doing the right thing when they informed my family I was going to kill them some day, probably while they were sleeping. If they were cats, this would probably have some merit… but they are not cats, they are people, and I LOVE PEOPLE!

    In short, congratulations, and I wish my parents had handled my homecoming and subsequent debut with the grace that yours have. A happy and hearty ba-rooooo to you!

  2. Hello,
    my name is Obi (named after Obidiah the OT prophet, whoever he is! My master/companion is a little strange). I am an adopted beagle. My former master has called me “Floyd”. I like my new name much better. Anyway, I love it here and for the most part have all I could ask for. Fortunately they keep me on a 50′ runner, otherwise I would get lost before I knew it chasing squirrels and such. My owner Pat calls his leash “Holy Spirit” and that without that leash he too would chase much worse things than squirrels!

    Well, I am very happy for you. The Creator made us beagles pretty special and you have a high calling Max. I shall remember you in my daily barks and howlvotions!

    PS never pee in the house – it smells awful and you could lose treats for a day!

  3. Dear Max,

    Welcome! Congrats on your new home. My name is Sophia, but my family calls me “Little Miss Dominant”. I am an English Springer Spaniel who is about to turn 1–of course the world should revolve around my cuteness! So my advice to you is to keep those Bangs trimmed and in their place….


  4. Max you are quite handsome and your housemate ‘Ermingard’ will get to be a good friend. I can tell from her photo she is a lovely ‘purrrson’.
    I am also SURE Jesus – and every prophet or teacher of any faith tradition MUST have had a dog….and possibly a cat if they were lucky….to love, and to be loved and licked by….
    Love is patient, is kind, is found in its purest form with four legs and fur.
    I know this.
    My name is Gabriel – and I am a handsome 15 pound, proud, tall, muscular, white cat who adopted my human clergywoman when I was a stray kitten of only 1 1/2 lbs. nearly 6 years ago.
    God sends us all with the ability to teach love…and in return we get to sleep anywhere we like in our human’s house! Don’t let them fool you into thinking anything different.

  5. OK, I’m actually writing from human persona and would like to wish PB, SB, Max & Erm a hearty Mazel Tov! on your addition to the family. He’s adorable & I hope you all will be very happy together.

  6. So Mac, here’s the deal. Obi/Floyd is mostly right with his advice not to pee in the house. But if nobody catches you at it, what the hey! Same with poop. Also, go for what’s in the wastebasket at every opportunity. If they catch you with used kleenex or a bone in your mouth, look extremely cute and they will instantly forgive you.

    Puppies were put on earth to give humans a lot of practice at forgiveness. This might be true for grownup dogs, too; ask me in a few years.

    Love, Maya, age 9 months and still alive to tell the tale and wag the tail.

    P.S. If you wag something off the table with your tail, it’s yours.

  7. Max,

    Welcome home. I’m Nicholas. The big crazy guy (BCG) – he refers to himself as BJ – is in the kitchen, so I gotta dash this off quickly before he finds out that I’ve memorized his log on, can access the Amazon account etc. Don’t know about you, but I came from the Rescue Society. Apparently someone found me wandering out and about on Bastille Day. Maybe I was a Fourth of July escapee. After that I spent 30 days at the County Pound and then the Rescue folks came to protect me. Hmmm 40 days…. BCG took me in for a two week trial and the rest is history. In my experience the Key thing is to just be adorable for about a week or so. After that, they get hooked and can’t imagine life without you. I’m glad to hear that you have regular companionship, even if she is a cat. The BCG doesn’t have any other animals so he arranged a regular play date for me. She’s an Old English Sheep Dog. Her name is Alexandra. (Yeah, I know, Nicholas and Alexandra. The BCG really has to get a life). Alex and I keep each other occupied while Daddy and Poppa go out and earn kibble. I also recvommend that you let PB & SB find out about your own exquisite beagleness from you. I don’t know whether PB & SB will be pushovers like the BCG. Just by wagging my tail and looking adorable, I got to go on a 45 minute walk at 1:30AM Christmas morning after the BCG got back home from the Christmas Eve service. I didn’t find any reindeer, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. BCG also said that I might not be much of a rabbit chaser since the Easter Bunny somehow managed to get into the house. The trainers who are trying to obedience train the BCG are amazed and perplexed that I’m not food motivated because all their methods assume that I’ll work for food. HA! Just who is in charge here? I don’t think that the BCG is going to be able to pass obedience training. Harumph! I’m happy that you have landed in a kind and loving household. Love them with all your heart, your mind, and whatever else you have. Ooops, gotta sign off now, the BCG is coming down the hall.

    Nicholas the Ridiculous

  8. I am quite partial to beagles–my uncle has raised several–and Max is quite the handsome boy! He reminds us why the beagle took Best in Show at Westminster this year!

  9. Max,

    I really dig your long, floppy ears. That’s why I love my parents’ beagle/Australian cattle dog mix, Foster. In observing my parents’ beagle, I’ve learned that the best quality of your breed is its great big heart. My parents’ Foster is such a sweet heart, following them into every room. He will jump right on the couch next to them and watch TV. In fact, the few times I’ve slept over, he’s dutifully kept my feet warm all night by curling up down there.

    People talk about your willfulness as if it’s a bad thing. I have found this quality very cool about beagles, though at times a bit trying. Still, when Foster pushes the limits a little, it is like a child testing how far he can push his parents… In the end, Foster eventually does what his parents want! The little bursts of energy he exhibits only show how bold a personality he has.

    If I ever have room for a dog in my life, I would consider a beagle. I love a pet that I can snug who wants to be around me. And, well, those floppy ears look like pigtails on a long-haired child, and they are just so irresistable!

  10. Congrats to Max on his new home! James Herriot once said he felt that the beagle had gotten more than a fair share of charm, and he was right: just look at Max!

  11. I live with two beagles, and they are a superior form of life. Full of energy-yes. Loud-certainly. But capable of more love and joy than almost any bipedal ape 🙂

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