Comments on: Funeral Arrangements

By: Aaron Sawyer

Aaron Sawyer — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:25:15 +0000

great post!

By: Cody

Cody — Wed, 28 May 2008 02:35:32 +0000

I have actually written my funeral plans and am working on the liturgy currently. I am glad that I’m not the only nutter out there. : )

By: Judy Welles

Judy Welles — Wed, 28 May 2008 00:17:09 +0000

You are spot on, PB. For two years now, I have led a five-session workshop for my congregation to discuss end-of-life issues. We have an attorney visit and also a doctor (to talk about death from a medical perspective).

They write their own obituaries and plan their own memorial services, and hopefully I get a copy of their plans to stash away in a safe place. We read poetry and do some diad and triad conversations based on a class I took in seminary on death and dying. I had eighteen people the first year and fifteen the second year — obviously there is a hunger for this in my congregation, and probably in all congregations, all denominations.

I think this is the business of the church, to create a safe place for the conversation and for the documents. I plan to offer a workshop on how to do this at my UUMA Chapter next year, and am considering offering it at GA as well.

By: Michael

Michael — Tue, 27 May 2008 17:22:32 +0000

I WANNA SING!!! Let me know what song I can do so that I can start learning it now!

By: Perpetua's Administrator

Perpetua's Administrator — Tue, 20 May 2008 18:01:17 +0000

Rev. Perpetua failed to mention that her professional fees for memorial services has recently increased. While it has not happended very often, The $400.00 fee can be prepaid via check, Mastercard, Visa or Discover. [How about laundry quarters? ]

By: Rev. Steelman

Rev. Steelman — Mon, 19 May 2008 16:05:42 +0000

I make these kinds of discussions part of my pre-wedding meetings with a couple – and it isn’t distasteful at all!

There is a funeral director in our congregation and we’ve had a great time holding pre-planning meetings. Nice restaurant, good wine, lots of laughter and good friends. Much easier to talk about things in a non-threatening setting.

I also work with Hospice and the advanced directive discussion fits in pre-wedding also.

A joyous life lived deserves the same at the end – careful planning, clear directives, and people who love you to carry out your wishes.

By: Mars Girl

Mars Girl — Mon, 19 May 2008 10:16:12 +0000

Yes, you totally need to have a will… When my husband died at the age of 32, I was thrust into a confusing position of having to make major choices about his funeral and what to do with his body because he never told me… We should have had this discussion and we never did. We were young, though, and only married 20 months when he died, so maybe we would have gotten around to that conversation. Of course, this only emphasizes further the importance of this discussion because we were young, blindsided by life’s tragedy….

Needless to say, I think I did okay by him… Just not by his family. Oh well. I think what I did–had him cremated and spread his ashes atop Mt. Elbert in Colorado (highest peak in his home state)–was what he would have wanted. But I’ll never know for sure, and sometimes stuff like that can really eat you up because it caused such dissention from the rest of his family (you wouldn’t believe how many times I was told, “Well, you only knew him for 3 years and we knew him his whole life.” or “You are too young to make these decisions.”)

Yesterday, I decided that I want Emily Dickenson’s poem called Death read at my funeral…

[We do the best we can in terrible circumstances, my dear. Thanks for writing. - PB]

By: fausto

fausto — Sun, 18 May 2008 02:10:24 +0000

I happen to know that Rev. P already has a very busy day scheduled tomorrow, so have a safe flight.

By: SMG

SMG — Sat, 17 May 2008 23:15:47 +0000

In answer to your question, I have done pieces of the planning, and I too found it satisfying. My wife thought I was being morbid beyond belief. What I especially enjoyed was completing a fill-in-the-blank obituary, which my wife can finish off with the latest details (in case I forget to update this after we have another child or something). The important stuff is there, written nicely. I found it the most satisfying activity of all because I know how my wife really does detest writing, especially when emotional. It made me feel like I was able to really care for her in a way that might not have meaning for her now, but that may, at some time.

I should probably do some more.

By: revtoots

revtoots — Sat, 17 May 2008 19:44:03 +0000

Peacebang, don’t forget that you also need a living will or advanced directive. Five Wishes is valid in 40 states.

http://www.agingwithdignity.org/5wishes.html