PeaceBang
The manic mind of the minister -- Auntie Mame Meets Cotton Mather. Blogging about Unitarian Universalism, UU Christian spiritual practice, occasional cultural and political ravings, and the inner life of ministry. PeaceBang is the alter ego of a small town pastor serving an historic New England Unitarian Universalist congregation.
First Time Out
June 21, 2008 on 7:30 pm | In Just Funny, Max Blogging, Random Rant |Today was a glorious day so I popped Max into the car and drove into the big city to see what it would be like having him with me at an arts festival on Boston Common. His first Boston outing!
He rode in like an angel and we drove around the Common a couple of times looking for metered parking. Just as I was on my third go-round and hoping Max wasn’t getting car-sick going in circles (he seemed perky and fine; I, however, was getting green around the gills), I SPOTTED A SPACE! I drove toward it, just about to turn on my indicator signal when a BMW crossed two lanes of Charles Avenue and screeched in front of me to cut me off and steal the space. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, it just isn’t done. You usually don’t see this sort of thing until Christmas time, honestly.
I thought maybe they didn’t see me. I said to myself, “Surely they didn’t mean to do that. Surely they’ll turn out to have some manners.” I rolled down my window and yelled, “HEY! You cut me off! That was my space!” I realized right away this was going to fall on deaf ears when I saw a Patagonia -clad guy with an incredibly self-conscious haircut and super fashionable spectacles get out of the car and look my way with a glance of utter disgust. Mr. Privilege incarnate. “You don’t cut someone off and steal their space!!” How lame. Why did I bother? Like he cared! Mr. Haircut responded with an original remark that begins with an “f” and ends with a “u.” I responded with some of my own original remarks (unkind but not quite that charming) and drove off to look for a space. It just wasn’t my day. I’m also of the belief that even if someone passes a departing car, if they put their blinker on first it’s only fair for me to back up and let them have the space. They were before me in line, is how I see it. Call me a sucker, but I usually have good parking karma so I stick with my little rules.
I’ve heard people complain about the obnoxiousness of BMW drivers all my life and one doesn’t like to harbor prejudices, but today was a banner day for validating that prejudice. To be fair, I never saw the driver. The passenger was bad enough. I imagined him saying, “Gun it, man. Cut that broad off.” I was going the speed limit, silly me, because I had a BEAGLE in my back seat!
I finally gave up on finding meter parking and parked in a garage for $11. Max refused to ride the elevator on the way out of the garage (but he did on the way back in!) but was otherwise a champ, sniffing his way through the concrete underground like Sherlock Holmes’ basset hound. We had an excellent experience at the festival, he met lots of doggies, and there was only one mishap when someone scared him from behind and he got himself wrapped around a pole and almost pulled down one exhibitor’s pavilion. (I am right now making a face that expresses my total agreement with anyone who is thinking, or was thinking at that moment, “Beagle people are the BMW people equivalent of the dog world.”) I promise that we were profusely helpful and apologetic and didn’t leave until we were sure everything was sturdily in place again.
It was a beautiful day! We walked over to the Boston Garden and sat on a bench by the duck boat pond. I chatted with a friendly couple and hummed along with two fiddlers who were playing a few feet away. “You are my sunshine, la da di da da…” I got up to put a dollar in the musicians’ violin case when I realized who they were. Mr. BMW and his Friendly Passenger, Mr. Haircut!! Oh, how rich!! I told the couple about our little encounter earlier in the day and we all roared with laughter. “I was going to give them a buck,” said the man, “but maybe I’ll go take one out!”
By God, the two of them: playing peaceful folk tunes in their Keene sandals, collecting dollars on a sunny day, having mere hours before endangered my and my dog’s lives with aggressive driving. The name of the duo is “First Time Out,” and I enjoyed the look of profound discomfort on Mr. Haircut’s face as I stepped up to read their sign and jot down their name. Big smile for both of them. The driver, of course, had no idea who I was. He probably thought I was taking down their name so they could play at my kid’s bar mitzvah or something.
I’ve been late to gigs before myself. I’ve been frantic for parking while trying to make stage manager’s call or a guest preaching engagement. I know the feeling. It stinks to spend $10 or even $20 on parking, and it stinks to get a parking ticket because you don’t have enough time on the meter, but it happens. What kills me is that these guys were just feet away from the ramp to the municipal parking ramp when they skidded across the road to cut me off. They were on their way to a gig and could have written off the $11 as a professional expense! Was it worth whiplash to save $11?
So my point, and I do have one, is to ask if any of you could design a little BEAGLE ON BOARD oval sticker in the style of “Baby on Board” or in the style of those location stickers (ACK for Nantucket, etc.). If I have the artwork I can order one from CafePress.com, and I’d like to put one on the car.
In my experience aggressive drivers don’t care if they imperil the lives of humans, but most people, deep down, have a soft spot for the dawgies. Maybe a BEAGLE ON BOARD sticker would have also reminded the teenaged girl driver who was tailgating me and everyone else as she zig-zagged madly down Route 3 southbound this afternoon to cool it.
Both of the animals are curled up sound asleep right now, grateful that Big Mommy Kitty Cat didn’t order them Cats/Dogs for Obama t-shirts from Cafe Press (yet).
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Great tale. This one goes in the PeaceBang book!
I can vouch for the obnoxiousness of BMW drivers. I have now experienced it in Boston, the SF Bay Area, and now, yes, North Carolina. Is there no end to it?
I’m still planning to get an Obama t-shirt, but am mad at him for voting for FISA along with the rest of the spineless Democrats. Ah well, he’s a politician. Never to be confused with the Messiah. Which doesn’t mean we’re not all going to work on the campaign.
Comment by Jane R — June 21, 2008 #
More fuel to the fire also, of hating on the rich? These two folkies are apparently doing pretty well for themselves!
For years I’ve read about what fine automobiles BMW makes, and for a long time I thought when I achieved a lifestyle in which I could afford one, I’d treat myself to a 3-series sedan. It’s becoming increasingly more difficult for me, what with gas prices, dwindling resources (oil, oxygen, water, etc.)for me to rationalize buying one. Besides, I like my Civic just fine.
Comment by Jim B — June 21, 2008 #
How unfortunate it whould have been if Mr. BMW whad returned to his car to discover that someone had let the air out of all his tires. Eastern religious folk call it “karma”, without intending any pun. In the West, St. Teresa of Avila tells us that Christ has no hands on earth now but ours.
Comment by fausto — June 21, 2008 #
What he really deserves is a lovely little “FU2″ permanently scratched into his driver’s side door as a reminder of your anonymous encounter…but as a grown-up I always try to avoid the immediate, passive-aggressive responses which can come so frighteningly easily to me. Payback is a no-brainer; forgiveness a much more difficult discipline. Too bad Max hasn’t yet been trained to lift his leg into violin cases!
Comment by The Eclectic Cleric — June 22, 2008 #
You two are scaring me! Seriously! That Carrie Underwood song about carving her name into her cheating boyfriend’s car seats even freaks me out. Max peeing into the violin case is a funny thought but I’m so obsessive about him making a good, happy impression wherever he goes that I try to get him to do his business VERY FAR from where anyone is — and I am never without my (biodegradable) poop bags and a bottle of water to rinse away pee in public parks. I wouldn’t want to sit on the grass where a dog has peed, so I figure it’s only considerate. No more revenge fantasies!!
Comment by PeaceBang — June 22, 2008 #
Well, I’m sorry to say my first thought was Boston drivers are the worst! When I first met my husband in California, he had just moved there from Boston. I couldn’t figure out why he would pick a car going the speed limit on the freeway and stay behind that car (but not tailgaiting) no matter what. I never mentioned it until we took a trip to Boston and he did the same thing. All of a sudden I understood that he felt he was protecting himself by sticking with a car that wasn’t driven by a maniac. Thanks for reminding me that there are SOME safe drivers in Boston.
Comment by Anna Banana — June 22, 2008 #
Sorry to hear it didn’t work out between you and Sweetiebang. I give you much credit for knowing when to end a relationship–it’s not easy. So glad, though, that you got custody of the dog!
Comment by Maggie — June 22, 2008 #
Max peeing into the violin case is a funny thought but I’m so obsessive about him making a good, happy impression wherever he goes that I try to get him to do his business VERY FAR from where anyone is — and I am never without my (biodegradable) poop bags and a bottle of water to rinse away pee in public parks. I wouldn’t want to sit on the grass where a dog has peed, so I figure it’s only considerate.
Maybe instead of training him to the curb, you could train him to BMW air intake manifolds? I mean, one gutter is as good as another. (Only if the stereotype of BMW owners is universally true, of course.)
No more revenge fantasies!!
Well, hm. “‘Veangeance is mine, I will repay,’ saith the LORD,” according to the Good Book, but you do have to read it in light of the progressive revelation to St. Teresa.
Comment by fausto — June 22, 2008 #
Having lived about twenty years in the Boston area, I would say that your experience is characteristic of my memories. On the other hand, after living in LA for a dozen years, Boston drivers rarely shoot at other drivers. They rarely zip past and catch someone’s fender with their own so that they flip over and end up rolling down the freeway ahead of you etc. But the Beamer to sidewalk musician transition is a new thing. Oh, Boston!. Do you still have people found sleeping outside in the snow in sub-zero weather, alive only because of their high alcohol content?
Comment by Linguist Friend — June 22, 2008 #
Dogs, like children, are only understood by their “parents” and other dog-owners. So people who dont have dogs (or children) have less tolerance for them… I wouldn’t be too hard on a doggie that almost knocked over my tent.
Especially if he had those cute, floppy ears like Max and an apologetic guilty expression on his face. 
Now if a child almost knocked my tent down, that would be another thing entirely…
Comment by Mars Girl — June 23, 2008 #
Don’t UU clergy have first dibs on all parking spaces between UUA HQ at 25 Beacon Street and the Arlington Street Church? If not, why not? (Probably some jibber jabber about the First Amendment, but still.)
Comment by alkali — June 23, 2008 #
Don’t UU clergy have first dibs on all parking spaces between UUA HQ at 25 Beacon Street and the Arlington Street Church? If not, why not?
And to King’s Chapel in the other direction, too, I should think, at least now that Congregational House is up for sale.
Comment by fausto — June 24, 2008 #
You can’t possibly believe they pay taxes on their take! I would bet good money they’re writing it ALL off! Where do you think those haircuts came from?
Comment by Elz — June 24, 2008 #