PeaceBang
The manic mind of the minister -- Auntie Mame Meets Cotton Mather. Blogging about Unitarian Universalism, UU Christian spiritual practice, occasional cultural and political ravings, and the inner life of ministry. PeaceBang is the alter ego of a small town pastor serving an historic New England Unitarian Universalist congregation.
Driving Tragedy
July 3, 2008 on 8:07 pm | In Mind of the Minister |I was stuck behind a black Toyota Highlander this evening at a red light and then at the drive-through at McDonald’s (I cannot tell a lie) and first noticed the Christian messages plastered on the thing by way of bumper stickers. “Real Men Love Jesus,” one said, and the license plate holder said “Christians aren’t perfect… just forgiven by a God who is!” That’s all I can remember, but there were one or two more, tastefully placed on this elegant gas-guzzler. That alone was not particularly remarkable, but the car was also a moving monument to grief and loss. The sad little legend, “Michael Murphy, April 2, 1992 - June 8, 1994,” was printed in white lettering at the top of the rear window, and also in white graphic and lettering on the lower left hand corner of the window: “The Murphy Family,” with a mommy and daddy stick figure, three children, and a cat. “Never forgotten, always loved” (or something similar) was included under the name of the child and the dates he had lived.
Had the child been killed by a drunk driver? I wondered. Thinking that might be the reason to essentially advertise his death on the family car, I looked for a MADD bumper sticker, but in vain. Who knows the story behind this little one’s death. His parents choose to drive around immortalizing his name and their love for him on their rear view mirror, and that’s their business. Of course, now it’s mine, too. Is this the new evangelism, using our cars as a way to broadcast not only our political, religious or social views but to bring in a whole new level of personal context to why we hold them?
I don’t know. Is this a positive way to deal with trauma, an unsafe distraction to other drivers, or something else altogether? What do you think?
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Here in AK it’s really common to see this. We’ve been assuming it’s a peculiarly Alaskan custom, but perhaps the beginning of the fad just happened to coincide with our moving here.
Comment by Heather — July 3, 2008 #
Here in Tennessee (Bible Belt) we see all manner of Christian license plates: “Honk if you love Jesus,” “If it ain’t King James it ain’t the Bible,” etc. I do see an occassional memorial decal in the back window. Of course, there are all the NRA decals as well.
Comment by Nathan — July 3, 2008 #
I occasionally see memorial decals here in PA, but it apparently began in southern California and took a few years to get here. They kind of freak me out, in a too-much-personal-sharing-with-random-strangers way.
According to recent news, too many bumper stickers aren’t good for you: http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/labnotes/archive/2008/06/16/bumper-sickers-road-rage.aspx
More serious commentary on the issue:
In the Rear Window, Tributes to the Dead
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/11/fashion/sundaystyles/11DECALS.html
New Memorials: T-shirts, Websites, Auto Decals
http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/0525/p15s01-lihc.html
Comment by Bea, DRE — July 3, 2008 #
People do it down here in the mid-Atlantic, too. I noticed when I moved out here 6 years ago from the Midwest and it’s just…weird.
Comment by Natalie — July 3, 2008 #
I probably shouldn’t have, but with the google I find out more. The young boy died from neuroblastoma. I guess I figure people all grieve in their own way.
http://michael-murphy-1992-1994.memory-of.com/About.aspx
Comment by James Field — July 3, 2008 #
I don’t know … my car is free of bumper stickers, but I can understand the impulse to want to SHARE - be it good news or just news.
On a slightly related note, there was a study (at least one) done that showed no correlation between road rage and type of color (or cost of car). But there was a serious correlation between road rage and the number of bumper stickers on the car. The people who conducted the study theorize that people with bumper stickers (more and more) see the road more as being “theirs,” hence the tendency to engage in aggressive or territorial behavior on the road.
I don’t think I spend enough time in my car to feel that way.
Comment by h sofia — July 3, 2008 #
Good topic for discussion.
I’ve been seeing those “Coexist” bumper stickers on various cars over the past several years, and I found one a few months ago. I seriously debated wether or not 1.) I should buy this bumper sticker and 2.) if I would actually put it on my bumper. I made a compromise: I taped it to the inside of my rear window, so I won’t have a hard time removing it if (and let’s face it, when) I have second thoughts about it later. I do cringe a little bit myself when I see bumper stickers advocating for pro-life/pro-choice, Christian oriented stickers, and even those “My child is a student of the month at so-and-so school”. Come to think of it George Carlin did a good bit about bumper stickers several years ago - “I’d rather be driving”/”Honk if your horn is broken”, etc.
I like the “Coexist” theme and the way it is presented, with symbols from various religions/countries from around the world, and I think I’ve justified putting it in my back window for the time being as my rebuttal to our current US Presidential administration as well as all the evangelists out there who may be convinced that their particular brand of religion is the one that will save us all and keep us all out of hell (or whatever it is we need to be “saved” from). I don’t know much about the world’s non-western religions, but I do know that being respectful of other people’s ways of thought is my preferred way of interaction with others.
The Red Sox logo on my window, on the other hand, is semi-permanent…
Comment by Jim B. — July 4, 2008 #
I have a Red Sox sticker on my wheel cover, and a “”Beagle On Board” magnet. The bumper stickers I’ve had in the past ten years were “My Other Car Is A Broom” and “God Bless the Whole World, No Exceptions.” Thanks all for weighing in from other parts of the country and giving this a wider context. I had no idea.
Comment by PeaceBang — July 4, 2008 #
I read a blurb that bumper stickers are cars equated to hostility in driving… more stickers more hostility, less stickers…
Comment by jacqueline — July 4, 2008 #
Jim B - there are so many CoExist bumper stickers in the Portland, Oregon area. Lots of UUs have them (at least, based on the # cars parked in the lots for First Unitarian on Sundays), but I see so many on the roads, that I have a hard time believing just UUs. The CoExist sticker is one of the nicer ones I’ve seen.
PB - I just saw a “God Bless the Whole World, No Exceptions” sticker in the parking lot of the grocery store yesterday. That was a new one for me!
Comment by h sofia — July 4, 2008 #
Sofia -
Portland (or the Portland area) sounds like my kind of town! I was scheduled to visit Astoria, Oregon a few years ago, but never made it. And my grandmother was born in the Hood River area. I’m still hoping to visit someday!
Comment by Jim B. — July 4, 2008 #
I put on my first bumper sticker in years - “Standing on the side of love: Unitarian Universalists support the right to marry” (with a rainbow on one side.) I think it says a lot more about us than those silly “uncommon denomination” stickers. I put it on to feel proud of my church, and to be a friendly face (er, bumper) to gay people.
Comment by Rev. Gidget — July 5, 2008 #
Yes, indeed, memorial decals are very common in Southern California (I’m in Orange County). The stickers that depict members of the family and pets are quite common, too. I’ve seen single parents and single child-free pet owners with the family stickers on their cars, too! But I haven’t yet seen two mommies or two daddies on anyone’s car decals. In the OC that takes more courage than in many other parts of California!
Comment by Sarah — July 5, 2008 #
I saw this when I lived in rural NY. We had three boys killed in a car accident (stupid, not drunk) and suddenly there were decals all over the place with their initials that sad, “Sixteen Forever.”
I don’t know that romantizing death at 16 is a good thing.
There were also lots of 9/11 memorial stickers for a while.
It is kind of a transitory shrine. Not manjy people keep a car forever.
My favorite bumper sticker of recent years is “When Jesus said, ‘love your enemies’ he didn’t mean kill them.”
Comment by revtoots — July 5, 2008 #
I don’t think memorial bumper stickers are all that uncommon.
In any case, if you go to the website, you will see that there are a lot of “bumper stickers” (the online type) there as well. Seems to be the mother’s usual manner of expression.
There is also the following poem on there, which seems to be apt:
“I lost a son I hear myself say, and the person I’m talking to just turns away. Now why did I tell them, I don’t understand. It was not for sympathy or to get a helping hand. I just wanted to tell them I lost something dear. I want them to know that my son, he was here. So if I’ve upset you, I’m sorry as can be. You will have to frogive me, I could not resist. I just want you to know my son did exist.”
Comment by SMG — July 5, 2008 #
Jim B - hope you make it this way soon. Hood River is beautiful, and Astoria is fun to visit. Try to come between June and October - the sunniest and driest months to visit. =)
Comment by h sofia — July 6, 2008 #
I understand everyone’s aversion to this practice–I have the same gut level reaction–but I am extremely uncomfortable with judging this family. Expressions of grief and mourning are both highly personal and deeply rooted in the practices of individual communities. Many such displays (roadside memorials, newspaper ads, sackcloth and ashes) are public in nature…I don’t see what is so different about this one.
Clearly this family is doing something that is accepted and practiced by a significant number of people in this country. It may make me uncomfortable, but I haven’t just lost my baby, so I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the family who has, especially since they are from a different culture than my own. [Hillary, I don’t hear people judging this practice so much as just as wondering about it, which is a legitimate response to a new kind of public display. - PB]
Comment by Hilary — July 7, 2008 #
This is what I was afraid of…
Well, it’s been about 1 month since I put the “Coexist” sticker in my rear window, and now I hear from a relative of mine who thinks suddenly I’ve been brainwashed by a religious cult or something. I’m still the same person, I’m just recognizing that everyone deserves respect, regardless of their personal beliefs about religion, sexuality, politics, etc.
Is it the religious symbols on the bumper sticker that make people think the worst, or that I’m a wacko or something? I thought the message was PRETTY CLEAR:
C-O-E-X-I-S-T.
Coexist.
It’s rather simple, isn’t it? Is there something I’m missing? Is it that hard to understand?
Does this bumper sticker make me like another religious fanatic using my vehicle to force my unwanted opinion on other unsuspecting drivers?
Is it the polarized politics in this country, the message of fear generated by the Bush II administration about terrorists? Is this the 1950’s again, where I could be ruined by sympathizing with the commies?
WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?
Please help me understand. Thanks.
[JIM, THIS IS YOUR MINISTER SPEAKING. YOU HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED. YOUR MIND IS NOW OURS, MWAH HA HA HA!!! But seriously, I’m so sorry to hear this! I agree with you that the coexist bumper sticker is one of the more benign and inclusive ones (for heaven’s sake, our local Methodist minister sports it on her own bumper!). I wonder if it’s not the graphic design that’s got your relative confused; all those religious symbols might just look like a big scary pile of SCARY GOD STUFF to her. So it seems to me that this is a great opportunity to open a conversation, like, “Hey Aunt Petunia, I heard that you had a negative reaction to my bumper sticker. It’s actually symbols from various world religions spelling out ‘co-exist,’ a message I really like because religious intolerance and misunderstanding is of real concern to me and inclusivity is also a big commitment of the church I go to. What did you think when you saw it? I’m asking because I’ve never put a bumper sticker on my car before and I’m genuinely interested in hearing how it reads to other people.” If she gets embarrassed and doesn’t want to talk about it, at least you’ve tried. Hey, this would make a good sermon, eh? For you I mean, to give while I’m on sabbatical!! - PB]
Comment by Jim B. — July 11, 2008 #
I recently saw a memorial back windshield display for the first time– I can’t recall whether it was in Wyoming or Colorado– and was likewise struck and somewhat puzzled.
Comment by Mary Ann — July 13, 2008 #
PB: A sermon you say?
Interesting idea; I’ll discuss with you later.
Comment by Jim B. — July 14, 2008 #