PeaceBang

Most Upsetting Comment Ever, And How You Can Help Redeem It

I’ve been blogging for three years now, or is it four?

I’ve moderated and responded to hundreds of comments — maybe even a thousand. The vast majority of them have been delightful to read, and the conversation here energizing and interesting.
I’ve gotten into squabbles, been frustrated or irritated, and had my share of good rows, certainly.

But no comment has yet sickened, upset and depressed me as this one has. It appeared the other day in response to my suggestion that Ashley Todd be locked in a cell with a group of “tall, black men” (the bogeyman she invoked as her attacker when she had inflicted the wounds herself). I said, very clearly, that I respected Todd’s inherent worth and dignity enough to assume that she would learn something from the ensuing conversation.

The commenter wrote,

I suppose your idea of a fitting punishment is that those 20 tall black men would do violence to a lone woman. Probably sexual violence. And this seems likely.

A very disturbing suggestion from someone employed in ministry.

When I first read this comment I immediately thought, “Oh, some random racist troll chiming in, don’t bother responding.”

But then I saw that this hateful accusation and virulently racist remark had been contributed by someone calling herself “Dalai Grandma” — an active UU and long-time student of Buddhism. And my mouth fell open in shock and I felt physically ill.

Because, of course, what the “Dalai Grandma” wrote was a perfect, textbook example of projection and literal demonization. When I invoked “group of black men meeting with one white woman,” her imagination immediately led her to scenes of rape. Even though I made clear that Ashley Todd should meet with a group of men who had NOT been taken into custody but very likely COULD have been if her story had been more credible, Dalai Grandma was blind to that. She immediately translated “black men” into “dangerous criminals who want to rape white women.” Because in her mind, of course, that’s what black men do when they’re angry — they don’t talk, they attack and rape. “And this seems likely,” she confidently states.

This from someone who has studied Buddhism for years. I find it just staggering, and I have been unutterably depressed since I read it. Masssive disillusionment, I guess. Such a gross insult to all black men that it makes me heartsick. I had seen them in my mind’s eye, filing one by one into the cell with Ms. Todd, taking their seats and sitting forward while they talked urgently and passionately about the damage and harm she could have caused, about their own life experiences as black men in Pittsburgh, and about her responsibility to involve herself in some good works with the African-American community to attempt some kind of reconciliation with their people. I saw them in fleece pull-overs, jeans, sneakers, or sweaters, khakis and boots, maybe some coming from work in a suit and tie — I saw them as witnesses and truth-tellers. She saw them as rapists.

When I taught at Proviso East High School in Maywood, Illinois, I had a great conversation with some of my male students one afternoon. I had been driving to school that morning and had seen them hanging out on the corner together, slouching around, “cutting their eyes” and looking generally thuggish. I wanted to know what was up with that. I knew that these guys were not, in fact, gang-bangers — that they were athletes and good students and responsible kids who wanted to avoid winding up a statistic (dead or imprisoned).

The boys — I remember that one of them was Kamal, and one was DeShawn — I don’t remember the others — explained to me that they had to look tough on the streets for the benefit of other, truly tough kids and also for white people.
The latter option was more for fun — they knew that white people feared them on principle because they were young, black and male and standing on the corner in a group — so they acted the part.

We talked about the “White Lady Purse Grab” — the move they reported was made by literally every white woman they ever walked behind either singly or together. I got up and did it for them with my own purse and we all howled with laughter. The girls chimed in about what it felt like to be trailed all over every store they ever entered by nervous white managers who assumed they were there on a shoplifting expedition. We also talked about the “White Man Car Lock” — a move that Kamal performed with great gusto, pantomiming the wide-eyed fear and slapping of car door locks made whenever a hapless white person accidentally found him or herself at a stop sign or red light in Maywood, obviously having accidentally wandered over from nearby Oak Park or Forest Park.

“Yea, but I’ve done that,” I said to them. “Because you guys, come on. Some neighborhoods really are bad and dangerous and the cops have even escorted me home from some of them when I got lost late at night.”
“That’s true,” said my students. “But Ms. V., how would you feel if you SAW people slamming down their locks the second they see you? It just makes you WANT to scare them!”
“Well, don’t!” I said. “You know what you should do? You should imitate them and mock their fear and laugh and walk away. Don’t play into their low expectations of you!”

So we’d go on like this, and I learned so much from them. I will never forget them and their humor, resiliency, generosity of spirit and gift for openness and authenticity.

And then I think of the last time I gave a talk in a prison about peace-making in the system, using the ideas of Bo Lozoff (author of We’re All Doing Time and founder of the Prison Ashram Project, www.humankindnessfoundation.org). I think I pretty much bombed, but the 100+ African-American Men’s Caucus who had invited me, were kind to me, if obviously frustrated by my lack of ability to do anything concrete for them. I was definitely nervous being left alone in an auditorium with over 100 prisoners without any guards around, but that was more because I didn’t know what to do if my program tanked so badly that the men totally lost interest. What if I had scheduled too long a session? Who would help me supervise or facilitate some other kind of program?

So I don’t know. I’m not so naive as to think here aren’t overtly racist, irrational and inflammatory Unitarians out there, but it still depresses me. DalaiGrandma doesn’t think she was being racist or that she owes me an apology for accusing me of wishing violence and sexual assault on Ashley Todd. She claims, of course, that she is, in fact, the victim of my anger. Which is an avoidance technique with which anyone in social justice work is well-acquainted. “If you challenge me or call me to account for my statements, you’re victimizing me, because this all about ME.” Not a very original response.

DalaiGrandma, I hope you read this tidbit from the University of Michigan’s Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness Center:

Myth: Black men target White women to sexually assault.

Fact: 93% of all sexual assaults are intra-racial. This means that White men are the primary perpetrators of sexualized violence against White women, and likewise African-American women and women of color are most commonly assaulted by African-American men and men of color. Of the 7% of sexual assaults that are interracial, 3.4% involve the assault of a Black woman by a White man, while 3.3% involve the assault of a White woman by a Black man (Menachem Amir, criminologist, 1991).

The myth of Black men targeting White women to sexually assault is based on a racist belief system. The myth of the Black rapist was created during Reconstruction to justify the lynching of Black men. Today, lynching is much less common, yet the myth of the Black rapist still permeates our culture. Read more about systems of oppression and the myth of the black rapist here.

And to directly address DalaiGrandma’s defense that sexual assault is common in prisons, yes it is: but it is overwhelmingly man-on-man violence and rape.

I will let Cornel West have the last word, from his book Race Matters,

Americans are obsessed with sex and fearful of black sexuality. … the fear is rooted in visceral feelings about black bodies and fueled by sexual myths of black women and men. … White fear of black sexuality is a basic ingredient of white racism. And for whites to admit this deep fear even as they try to instill and sustain fear in blacks is to acknowledge a weakness — a weakness that goes down to the bone. Social scientists have long acknowledged that interracial sex and marriage is the most perceived source of white fear in black people — just as the repeated castration of lynched black men cries out for serious psychocultural explanation. ”

Today I called the NAACP in Pittsburgh and asked how I could become a member. An individual membership is $30 ($15 for youth) and there are chapters or units all over the country. You can find one near you here. If you want to show solidarity with the Pittsburgh community, write and request a membership form from the Pittsburgh NAACP at 2203 Wylie Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA 15219, Att: Gwendolyn Ware.

You can also download membership forms online in PDF file, and write Unit 2285 if you’d like your membership to be with the Pittsburgh chapter (the NAACP is a national organization but each chapter fundraises separately).

The NAACP celebrates their centennial next year in New York, and they are in the midst of a big membership drive right now. Let’s make some kind of silk purse out of this sow’s ear. I hope you’ll join.

Happy Halloween!

[Disclaimer: These are not my animals. Thanks to Fausto for the links!]

Playing Junior Psychologist When Morality Is Just Too Scary To Touch

Regarding Ashley Todd, the woman who beat herself up and scratched a (backward!) “B” into her face, falsely claiming that she was mugged by a “tall, black” Barack Obama supporter, I said,
“She should be dunked or put in the stocks.”

Others said she was pathetic, obviously sick, and deserved compassion. This writer, Mary, articulated the latter position particularly well when she wrote,

I’m struck and somewhat sadden by the seeming lack of awareness and sensitivity to the fact that people do in fact suffer from mental illness, and that such illness gone untreated often does result in such offensive and unacceptable behavior. The mentally ill have long been held up to public ridicule and marginalization with little or no voice to counter such attacks. Still, are not human beings who suffer with mental illness deserving of being granted their inherent worth and dignity, as promised in the first UU Principal? I’m not defending the actions of this young woman, but I am asking that we look a little further than her mug shot. Compassion is on vacation when this country seems to need it most.

I had hoped that someone would say something like this, and Mary answered my prayers. Because I think it’s worthwhile for UUs to look at my point of view and Mary’s, and to see where they fall on the spectrum of the first UU Principle (which calls us to affirm and promote the inherent worth and dignity of every human being).

When it comes to interpreting this principle, I am definitely a Justice Scalia among my co-religionists.
I believe that if Ashley Todd was of sound enough mind to figure out this scheme, to know that if believed, she would create a media sensation and cause serious damage for the Obama campaign, she is responsible for her actions. So far as we know, Todd didn’t hear voices in her head giving her the idea. She is mentally competent enough to attend college, to drive a car, to campaign for various candidates, and to hold a job. Although reported as a mere volunteer for the College Republican National Committee, she was under contract as a paid organizer for them until the time of her arrest, at which point her contract was, um, terminated.
Ashley Todd is functioning well enough in society that we can assume she knows what she’s doing.

Todd may, in fact, be mentally ill, but that determination should not override or obscure Unitarian Universalist reflection on her obvious moral reprehensibility. For too long, UUs have chosen to pathologize and diagnose the mental health of others when we want to avoid moral discernment. I came to this concusion during a Ministry Days program at GA where the keynote speaker offered to our gathered colleagues an interpretation of George W. Bush as a “dry drunk.” This would, of course, give us all a legitimate foundation for our almost unanimous loathing of Bush. For years afterward you’d hear UU ministers earnestly dissecting George Bush’s psyche in the same terms the presenter had used. “He’s a DRY DRUNK,” they’d say, as though being able to diagnosis the president gave them some power over him. Ooooh, we got him pinned!

Of course pathologizing Bush as a “dry drunk” achieved nothing but to allow the assembled clergy a way to channel their own helpless rage. “He has far more power than all of us combined, but he’s a DRY DRUNK!” Absolutely futile. How was that supposed to serve our ministries?

I did not attend that lecture. Had we invited a theologian to speak about the question of individual evil or sin, and had we then been invited to reflect on whether we thought that George W. Bush was merely sinful or truly evil, I would have attended. I am a minister. If I wanted to apply the lens of psychology to all human problems I would have become a psychologist or social worker.

Let’s let the clinicians work with Ashley Todd to see what kind of treatment for mental illness she will pursue (as she has been court-ordered to do). As religious people reflecting on her crime, however, let’s remember that affirming our first principle does not prohibit us from claiming that some people are reprehensible and their actions morally despicable.

Not to put to fine a point on it and with all sincere apologies to Mary (who made clear that she was not excusing Todd’s actions), I believe that Unitarian Universalists too often use the first principle as a mushy, sentimental instant escape clause when they don’t want to have to say “That was morally wrong and here’s why.”

Having spent my life in this movement, I notice that whenever anyone among us rises to say, “That behavior is absolutely wrong,” another will rise just as fast and say, “It makes me SAD that you’re so insensitive to this person, who obviously has serious emotional problems/mental illness/wasn’t loved in his or her childhood/is the product of an abusive system, etc.”
And that’s where the buck stops. Right there. Want to know why our congregations are so small and so often dysfunctional? That’s it in a nutshell.

Oh, and by the way, here’s Ashley’s MySpace page, containing this headline chosen by her,

“Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her cloths [sic] off, but it’s better if you do.”

I don’t think what Ashley Todd most needs right now is compassion. I think what she needs right now is to spend some time in a cell with about 20 tall, black men who weren’t taken into custody that night in Pittsburgh but who might have been, had she been just a little more credible in her story. See, ’cause I respect Ashley’s inherent worth and dignity enough to assume that she might actually learn something from that conversation,and therefore be able to think about what she’s doing before she pulls such a prank for the third time.

She’s a sad, messed-up case all right, but also very ambitious. And if you’re an Obama supporter, you can bet she doesn’t want your pity.

This Woman, However, SHOULD Be Put In The Stocks, Or Dunked

http://celestiallands.org/wayside/?p=120

Because the Cotton Mather in me still believes that there’s a time for public humiliation, and chica here has richly earned it.

Her name is Ashley Todd. She claims mental illness made her do it. This should be an interesting trial.

Now I understand what I initially thought was a really lame Samantha Bee skit on “The Daily Show” the other night, where she was playing an economy reporter and came on-camera with a black eye and a G (for Greenspan, of course), etched on her face with magic marker.

All of this head-exploding stupidity is making me really, really want to eat a hamburger, ya’ll.

Hanging in Effigy Is a Hate Crime

In the last comments section of “America, Oh America,” Benjamin provides a link for the report of Barack Obama hanging in effigy in Kentucky and says, “I’m not in favor of any effigy-hanging, but there just seems to be something different about hanging a black man in effigy in KY than hanging a white woman in effigy in CA.”

I replied to Benjamin that it depends how broad a scope of history one has. As a serious amateur scholar of the American Puritan era and of medieval Europe, my frame of reference here is different than that of the typical American. Many Americans do not even know that hundreds of thousands of women were accused of being witches between 1450-1750 by not only the Catholic Inquisition, but by the secular (Reformation) courts. In fact, the vast majority of the tens of thousands of subsequent burnings at the stake happened in the Germanic region where the torture was presided over by Reformed authorities. Not so reformed, eh?

Compared to the European witch craze, the hangings of 19 supposed witches in Salem, MA in the late 17th century (and the pressing to death of the infamous Giles Corey), was a blip on the map. But it was a “blip” that left lasting trauma to generations of New Englanders, and its lessons of neighbor-against-neighbor hatred and hysteria should not be forgotten.

I believe that hanging anyone in effigy is a hate crime. It is not a legitimate expression of freedom of speech: how is it speech in the first place? It is not art, it is not comedy, it is not an appropriate Halloween display — a holiday whose origins honor the spirits of the dead, and do not make ghoulish, violent threats against the living.

I would love to see Barack Obama and Sarah Palin join forces on this and sue the pants off the perpetrators of this outrageous, inflammatory stupidity. The entire nation should support them. Oh man, in my dreams! But really, from a community perspective, do you want to have to walk by a recognizable swinging corpse in someone’s yard? Do you want to have to walk your children past it and have it haunt their dreams and destroy their sense of neighborhood? Is there not something disturbing, distressing and more than a bit ominous about such a display — a silently threatening message of some kind being communicated?

Some things are not okay. Admittedly, I believe that Sarah Palin is a dangerously credulous fear-monger and absolutely unfit for any high office. I loved John Stewart’s recent lampooning of her and McCain’s positions during his recent “McCain and Palin: A Bridge To the 13th Century!” joke (actually, John, the 14th century would have made it even funnier, but that’s okay).
But I think that Mrs. Palin and I could agree that this interpretation of “freedom” stinks like a caribou carcass left out too long on a hot July weekend.

Oh, America, America

Three things deeply bum me out about this page from the L.A. Times:

1. That anyone would hang Sarah Palin in effigy as part of a Halloween display in their front yard;

2. The article about the possible links between the economic crisis and suicides in recent months featured below the Palin article and ;

3. The featured article on where celebrities like to vacation immediately below that.

Contemptible is the word that springs to mind.

Gettin’ Out the Vote

I spoke to the Former SweetieBang in Florida last week and was noodging him to spend some of his free time working on the Obama campaign down there.

“If I was going to vote,” he began, and I knew that had he been within arm’s reach, I would have strangled him on the spot. I saw red. The cartoon bubble over my head was filled with mad scribblings, just like when Snoopy got very confused.

IF YOU WERE GOING TO VOTE? Spoken in a slightly superior, above-it-all tone of voice, yet?

Dude, I know that La Dolce Vita for you means swimming in the ocean as often as possible, seeing four to six movies a week, and drinking beer. That’s cool, that’s your thing. I get that you embrace simplicity: no possessions, no computer, no e-mail account, no checking account. That’s fine. Not my way, but cool.

But you’re NOT going to vote in FLORIDA? You’re not going to vote ANYWHERE? IN THIS ELECTION?

I couldn’t convince the Man Formerly Known As SweetieBang to do it (he a stubborn one, oooh, and IF he decided to register after we spoke, I’m sure he won’t tell me), but you and I can certainly keep emphasizing to our friends — and especially younger friends (first-time voters of all ages are predicted to be very, very central to this election and to an Obama win) — how important it is to really, really, seriously, don’t blow this off next Tuesday. Even if you have to stand in line, which you very likely will. Let nothing deter you. Bring snacks. Bring your i-Pod. Hire a babysitter. Get a dog walker. Trade childcare with your friend. Use half day of flex time from work. Get up earlier. Take a longer lunch break. Do what you have to.

But get to the polls.

Why Is Rice So Frakkin’ Expensive Lately?

Just wondering. Because, I mean, like SIX BUCKS for a bag of basmati? Then I saw this.

Oh.

Best New Unitarian Blog

And I say “Unitarian” specifically because this writer is in love with the 19th century Unitarians. After spending some time with him, you will be too.

http://www.bostonunitarian.blogspot.com/

Welcome to the blogosphere, Boston Unitarian!

P.S. Seminarians, this blog’s a treasure-trove for you — B.U. distills some of the finest writings from our Unitarian past and serves up the juiciest tidbits for your reflection. So if you don’t have time to plum the depths of Channing and Ware or Emerson, check in with Boston Unitarian regularly and get your recommended daily allowance of our classical Unitarian heritage spoon-fed right to ya. Liberal Christians, there’s plenty here to fascinate and inspire you, too.

What was that remark Emerson made to Walt Whitman in a note after reading an advance copy of “Leaves of Grass?” “I greet you at the beginning of a promising career.” Or something like that. Anyway, Whitman used it as the first ever promotional blurb at the back of the collection when it was published — and Mr. Emerson was not amused. It would have been a really good idea had Walty actually asked Waldo’s permission before he slapped the Sage of Concord’s personal words of support all over his published work. That Walt, he was so sassy.

Not So Free-Range, Baby

Whenever I go to Whole Foods, I trust that they’re doing the work of making sure everything is up to standard. They certainly talk a good game there; their butchers and fishmongers always smile indulgently at me when I ask about the conditions within which the animals were raised and harvested. “Ah, fat suburban woman, these animals were all raised on a spa! They had massages every day! They had therapy sessions every Thursday afternoon, and they were slaughtered swiftly while high on the best natural ganja we could get from our Jamaican contacts.” Me: “Oh, good. I’ll take 2 lbs..” And then I get out my little Seafood Watch Pocket Guide and toddle on over to that area and ask them, all wide-eyed and nice about it, why they’re still selling Chilean Sea Bass. “Is that real Chilean Sea Bass? Because I heard that it’s highly endangered. I was wondering about your policy on selling endangered fish?” Blink, blink.

This hasn’t happened often, of course — I’ve only purchased meat from Whole Food three or four times since I went Veggie Vicki on Sept. 2. Now I’m feeling like I’ll try to do without meat, period, because it looks like the animals they purchase might suffer almost as much as the factory-farmed dudes.

I still love Whole Foods, and their meat standards are obviously good but they’re not as committed to compassionate conditions for the “aminals” as I thought they’d be. . I’m really glad they have the Animal Compassion program in place — maybe if lots of people stop by the butcher or deli counter and say that we will occasionally purchase meat if more vendors sign onto it, that will be good incentive.

Or maybe I’m becoming one of those obnoxious vegetarians! {oogie music}

P.S. This image from WH’s web site should keep me totally untempted to touch animal-based food for awhile. Because, yikes, those sausages and ribs just look so greasy! That’s SO not consistent with the Whole Foods experience!

“Hi! We were so much more beautiful when we were pigs and cows! We’re really embarrassed to be seen in this condition and believe us, this is NOT what we had in mind when we said we were ready for our close-up!”