PeaceBang

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1. You’ll miss them, but you’ll stay away from everything except a death because that’s what you need. They’ll be annoyed if you don’t! (My son went to preschool at church during my first sabbatical and I had to go twice a day. I kept getting “shoed away”. They want you to experience renewal!

   Take this opportunity to experience lots of worship services. Ministry is such a strange profession in that we so rarely get to see others do our work. Collect ideas.

   The fact that you are grieving may suggest that you’ve gotten too attached to them, or to the role. Sabbaticals help that.

   What are you going to do on your sabbatical?

   [Thanks for writing in, Christine. I am definitely very attached to both them (I love watching them do their thing, it’s such a delight) and to the role. I am starting my sabbatical “giving back” by being a visiting minister for three weeks for our UU Fellowship in Amarillo, TX. I will help them focus on improving their worship services. We’ll have fun! Then I go to Nicaragua for a little over three weeks to immerse in Spanish language and Latino culture. I return in February and will work on my doctoral dissertation, then stay in NYC and noodle around on the East Coast. I want to visit friends in Atlantic City and in Washington, DC and perhaps even venture further south. Have laptop, will travel! In late April I will go to Turkey and Greece with the Society for Biblical Studies, and then visit our partner church in Transylvania from Athens. I will come home in late May and re-join the church to check-in before our summer begins. I do intend to go to GA in SLC. I’ve always been a girl who puts a lot on my plate, and this is no exception. I have very little planned for July and August of 2009, though. A few things are on the calendar and I’m going to say NO to everything else.- PB]

   Comment by Christine Robinson — November 2, 2008 #

2. Dear PB -

   It IS a bit weird going into sabbatical. I broke my sabbatical into two 3-month increments over two church years. Less distressing for them as we transitioned to my fab new colleague, but it meant two years of sort of truncated plans and programs. I also had a very fine senior minister, our minister of music and a member who had been a wonderful director of pastoral care at another UU church. I knew they were in excellent hands. And still…
   1) I felt guilty because my congregants work hard in their jobs, all deserve sabbaticals, and don’t get them.
   2) Even though people kept telling me how much they’d miss me, I was not thinking I would miss them. More guilt.
   3) I did miss them.
   4) Mine was less jam-packed, which suits my personality which excels at goofing off. Very restorative. Very seductive lifestyle, I must say.

   Comment by Rev. Gidget — November 2, 2008 #

3. Give me a shout when you’re noodling in NYC! I work for a lovely little visual arts organization in lower Manhattan (see previous Facebook message about beauty products) that takes about about 30 minutes to visit and enjoy. It’s at the edge of Chinatown, so after you come by we can go for bubble tea or dim sum or cheap and delicious Vietnamese food.

   Comment by Claire — November 3, 2008 #

4. It sounds like you have a 6-month period. Mine was 4 months, which seemed just about right. (A colleague of mine recently said his 6-month one was too long — the emotional distance that developed was hard to navigate upon return. FYI.)

   Amen to your plan to symbolically mark your depature. At the other end, specifically ask a person or two to help the congregation welcome you back in a festive fashion when it is over (if there aren’t natural volunteers stepping in to do that.) You all will have some things to celebrate beyond having survived it. New insights and capacities within the fold are usually discovered and strengthened.

   I chose to read emails, but made it clear that I would not be responding. That helped me have a little bit of a sense of what was going on but didn’t involve my engagement beyond what I wanted to read. I also appreciated that I didn’t have 4 entire months of news/fats/pastoral care/ etc. to catch up on when I returned — but that is consistent with my personality.

   I made two visits to my office during the sabbatical, during the week. I had the secretary keep a box that all my stuff went into — mail, bulletins, denominational materials, etc. I looked through that, if I wanted to.

   I also wrote a mid-sabbatical letter to the congregation (at two months) sharing what had been going on for me. They were funding it and it was a way to help them make a connection between their financial generosity and my development. I didn’t hear from many (maybe a handful of emails the entire time — wishing me well, letting me know I was being prayed for, but I was told later that that letter was appreciated. If you’re going to be away on a full 6 months, I would recommend some sort of communication from you part-way through that time. You may wish to coordinate with one particular lay leader for a monthly or bi-monthly contact as well. Ask them to check in with you.

   There is grief about the distancing, but I was also aware that it was not the same grief that it would be IF I WERE REALLY LEAVING. I cherished that I was so thankful it wasn’t an Ending. That helped me tolerate the pain. Maybe that will help you, too?

   On the other hand, the natural distancing that occurs when we’re on sabbatical is also something healthy to claim upon return. The sabbatical helped me be less “fused” in terms of my own pastoral identity. They had functioned well without me. I realized I could be fully engaged elsewhere. Our relationship/work together since my return is a little less about me “needing” the role/job than before. That is good for us all.

   Blessings.

   Comment by Jane Roeschley — November 3, 2008 #

5. I suspect it will help you that you’re thinking about this in advance. I had a 3-month sabbatical a few years ago, and because it was the congregation’s first experience with sabbaticals, I spent most of my time educating them about what it meant: that I wouldn’t be back for those months, and why, and what I would be doing while I was gone. I loved my congregation, but I was really looking forward to the break.

   And then that last Sunday, as we were driving to lunch, I panicked. I had spent all this time telling them that I wouldn’t be back for 90 days, and all of a sudden I realized that I COULDN’T GO BACK FOR 90 DAYS, OH LORD, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? (I mean, I had plans, but still.)

   So, given the stellar manner in which I handled my own situation, I really don’t have any advice for you. Except to applaud your foresight. And to say that, once I got past the shock and realized there would be moments of grief all along the way, I really did enjoy the time. Jane’s words above about being less ‘fused’ are very well-put, I think.

   Comment by Shalom — November 4, 2008 #

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