I Love a Good Snappy Christian Retort

Sometimes people’s meanness is hilarious. They take themselves and their insults so seriously, trying to land the blow just right. My heavens. Look, I’m not proud of it, but let me just say I learned the “art” of harsh criticism from some experts in my formative years. Amateurs amuse me. What I can never tell them is how grateful I am that they apparently haven’t been exposed to enough truly vicious criticism in their lives to have perfected the skill themselves. Thank the merciful God for that.

So that’s why I hooted with appreciative laughter when one of the founders of the lovely SALT Project shared her response to a nasty comment left by someone who saw a cute short film that SALT produced. The short video is an animated bit set to the song “Have a Little Talk With Jesus” recorded by Loretta Lynn. There’s that lyric in the song, “set a little prayer wheel turning,” and the animation shows various negative words being fed into little paper cut-out cog wheels and being spit out the other side as beautiful flowers and hearts.  The idea is that talking with Jesus will transform pain, suffering, hatred, etc. into love, flowers and beauty. The last word to be fed into the cogs is “death,” which gets transformed into flowers. Okay, I though it was a bit corny, but also charming.

So this person saw this sweet little film on YouTube and commented, “This is terrible! If Jesus could see this he’d be rolling in his grave” (It looks like the comment has been deleted).

Which just sent me, because how do you call something like that terrible?  Really? With war and violence and genocide in the world, you’re gonna tell me that an animated video about prayer is TERRIBLE and that it will OFFEND JESUS HIMSELF? I was already cracking up, and then I read SALT’s response and just about fell off my chair. They said, “Jesus isn’t IN his grave!”

That’s when I spit Irish Breakfast tea all over my keyboard and laughed and applauded until the dog and the cat both came running. Indeed, SALT.  It’s not often that we get to use good theology as a two-snaps-up rejoinder and I have to send you a major PeaceBang high five for that.

There’s always gonna be haters, Negativos, buzz stompers, and the kind of sourpusses my friend Amy calls “cross.” They’re too uncreative to even offer constructive or interesting critiques. Best ignored, while we roll on. Keep that prayer wheel turnin’.

2 Replies to “I Love a Good Snappy Christian Retort”

  1. Long time reader, first time commenter here but I had to remark on this post because I love a good snappy Christian retort too! I’m a PhD student in theology whose area is christology and I was howling with laughter when I read your post about how ‘terrible’ that cute video is and how Jesus isn’t IN his grave. Thank you for the awesome. [Hey Abigail, glad you decided to de-lurk! Thanks! – PB]

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