A Winter Storm Memoir: With Apologies To Laura Ingalls Wilder

Feb. 8, 2013 10:20 AM

The blizzard came on hard late this morning. It was so beautiful at first and we felt we were living in a snow globe. The house is cozy and we have real glass windows now.

Pa is away hunting and Ma and Mary and I are worried about him but we’re keeping cheerful for each other. Ma says there’s no great loss without some small gain and we should take out all the bedding and wash it as it will give us something to do while we wait for Pa.

Mary and I are thinking that maybe Ma forgot to refill her prescription for anxiety medication but we are obediently stripping the beds. Where will we find dry hay for fresh ticking? The roads are bad, so a trip to Bed, Bath & Beyond is out of the question.

12:57 PM

I have checked the larder and see that we only have six cans of beans, a bag of quinoa, about one cup of dry bulgar wheat, some brown rice, and several bags of Goya beans. Will it be enough for the three of us? I am worried. And no chocolate? I send Mary up to fill the bathtub with water in case we need to soak all the beans at once. This snow could be coming down for another thirty six hours. Already, the tree branches are white and I got the tops of my feet wet crossing the fields to the barn.

On the street, cars have slowed down to accommodate the dangerous conditions. They creep along at 55 mph in our 25 mph zone. It is good to see our citizens taking such care. Some drivers have even put down their coffee cups for the more difficult curves.

3:07 PM

Time to go see to the horses. Our young, pretty stable girls are blanketing them when I arrive. They look so cold, poor beasts.  The horses also look chilly.

I have not dressed warmly enough for the elements and find that my right toe is almost frozen when I come indoors again. Ma has always provided goose fat to smear on frostbitten extremities but we have none on hand. I will make do with organic fair trade coconut oil. The toe is saved, but my pedicurist will be unhappy with me.

5:37 PM

Mary comes in to find me, looking stricken. There is enough food for dinner, but we are perilously low on stevia. The night is falling fast and we don’t know what to do. Dare we risk a ride out? We might make it there, but with snow at almost ankle depth, we know we might not survive the return trip . There is only one thing to do: send Cap Garland and Almanzo out for the stevia. We settle around the stove wrapped in shawls to wait. It will be a long vigil.

Ma slowly grinds espresso beans by hand. We are all thinking about Pa and Cap and ‘Manzo but we do not speak of it. The night comes on and Mary and I do our sums by candlelight, until Ma snaps on the lights with an impatient gesture. She’s snappish worrying about Pa.

9:14 PM

The kerosene in the lamp is low and Ma still doesn’t understand why we’re studying by candlelight when we have just had custom track lighting installed. “I declare,” she says. “Are you two trying to ruin your eyes?” She is still snappish about Pa, who is still not here to play the fiddle for us. We head wearily up to bed, our bellies growling with hunger, as we have each only had a Lean Cuisine for our meagre supper. The wind and snow howl outside and we undress upstairs in the chilly air, grateful that Pa has thought to build a roof on this house and that we will not need to be shoveled out of bed in the morning as we were on Plum Creek.

We conclude our bedtime prayers by asking God to please bring us all safely through this terrible storm. We ask for a sign from heaven that our menfolk are safe: a break in the storm, a cheerful whistle in the wind or the sound of stomping boots outside the door would be so welcome. Or even just a text message.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Tonight’s Menu: Crisis Popovers!

 

Wouldn’t it be hilarious if there was a Crisis Addict’s Cookbook and it had instructions like, “Let the dough sit for exactly thirty minutes at room temperature or your children will hate you and you will die alone?”

Anyway, thanks for all your advice about popovers. I made them from this mix by King Arthur Flour, which is cheating but I was making a big fancy dinner and I thought it would be fine to cheat on the popovers. They’re in the oven at this very moment, where I have been advised NOT TO LOOK AT THEM because they are fragile creatures and will fall into sad little dough blobs who will never get into a good college if they are exposed to even a tiny bit of peeking before are baked to a golden brown.

This is why I don’t bake. I like dishes that can withstand a lot of stirring, fussing, adapting and accidents. I like recipes that are survivors, dammit!

By the way, we’re having Haystacks for dessert.

Melt one bag semi-sweet chocolate chips and one bag peanut butter chips in sauce pan set over two stove burners placed on top of each other.

Stir in one bag of chinese chow mein noodles and about a cup or so of unsalted party peanuts.

Scoop out onto waxed paper. Chill in fridge for at least 15 minutes before serving. Makes a great Christmas gift. Because, seriously, get these out of the house as fast as you can.

 

 

Today’s Bible Study: Advent (Mary and Elizabeth)

Luke 1:56

“And Mary remained with her about three months and then returned to her home.”

And after about three months, Elizabeth said to Mary, “Sweetie, you know how much I love you. But we’re both so hormonal and frankly, I could just use some ‘me time’ before the baby gets here, you know?” And Mary said, “Totally. I didn’t want to say anything because I wasn’t sure if I’m allowed to be bitchy anymore, since I’m God’s Numero Uno — not that you should feel slighted for being numero dos — but you’re starting to get on my nerves a little tiny bit with the whining about how you can barely tie your sandals anymore, and the false labor.” Then the women embraced as warmly as they could considering Elizabeth’s enormous pregnant belly, and they kissed each other with many blessings for safe childbirth, and promises to catch up at the bris.

Theological reflection: was Mary right? Scripture never shows her being b**chy, but it does show her being noodgy (eg, Wedding at Cana). Discuss. Also: when Mary says, “Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed,” do you think she and Angel Gabriel might have high-fived each other, or the first century Palestinian equivalent thereof? If not, then when in the Magnificat might that have happened?