Americans In the Line To Get Into Heaven




I have this vision of being on line to get into Heaven. An angel is standing at the gate. She says, “Do you recognize this?” And she holds up one of those little yellow plastic corn cobs with prongs at the end.

Screen shot 2013-05-22 at 10.09.38 AMAnd I say, “Yes. I know what those are.”

She asks, with tender severity, “Why did you need these?”

And I respond, “Because… melted butter?”

With great pity and love, she says, “Go to the back of the line.”


9 Replies to “Americans In the Line To Get Into Heaven”

  1. Oh, surely not. For melty butter with corn on the cob? That would be a peculiar kind of heaven.

  2. Let’s do this with math:
    Waste Not = Want Not
    Waste Not = Want Not
    Waste = Want.

    Seems to work. More doohickeys and bobbles means more stuff to manufacture, more money spent, and more to take care of. Why bother with plastic doodads that aren’t clever or artistic, thus spending 99% of their time in your home being hidden in a drawer? They can be replaced with the napkin that is likely already tucked into your collar.

  3. My mother in law used to say when she heard of someone doing a good deed, that they would get a GOOD seat in heaven…..which would make me wonder- are there BAD seats??

  4. Sounds like what the nuns I had in school would say! [How did the nuns you had in school get into my head!? – PB]

  5. And I thought the Universalist God let everyone into Heaven: murderers, rapists, climate crisis deniers, and owners of corn cob thing-a-ma-bobs.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.