Category: irreverences

Oh, dang! I was going to write an April Fool’s post about how I had gotten a book contract to write about my spiritual practice of walking the horse pastures every morning and watching my feet to make sure I don’t step in any fresh piles of horse patties, and how that was a metaphor for ministry.

Because, you know, even sillier things have been written and I was going to have a lot of fun with it. But then time got away from me and April 1st was over and then so was April 2, 3 and almost 4th.

I did just go out to give the horses some carrots and to enjoy the late spring day and the drying fields. Birds are singing like crazy and my dog is very cute with his frolicking around and the horses behaved like absolute gangsters with me, teaming up to mug me for my carrots. I don’t like it at all when they go all organized crime about their carrot habit: I come almost every day, don’t I? I’m good for it, ain’t I? All I ask in return for my carrots is to get to gently pinch their velvety nostrils.  So knock it off, Knuckles!

“Knuckles” is a great old-school gangster name and is actually a nickname my friend Hawk and I have for my dog. We like to imagine him (my dog) as a bank robber who can’t get out of the doggie snack jar at the bank in time to get away safely, causing us to all end up in the slammer. “Knuckles! For god’s sake get away from the candy jar!” We laugh our heads off. We’re pretty easy to entertain. Knuckles Mahoney. He has a little black mask and everything.

I adopted Maxfield five years ago this week! I am so glad I had a sweet boyfriend at the time who pushed me into taking the risk and making the commitment to adopt a BEAGLE.  I’m grateful every day — even the days that I have to get him outside in 30″ of snow.

Anyway, sorry that I didn’t get a chance to outline my whole book about the horse pasture as a metaphor for parish ministry, but it was real funny in my mind. There’s always next year.

By the way, do you think April is the cruelest month? Or is it maybe the second or third cruelest month? Discuss.

1. You know how there’s that phrase in “Here Am I, Lord?” that sounds exactly like “The Brady Bunch” theme?

   “Here I am Lord

   It is I, Lord,

   …who was bringing up three very lovely girls…“

   I was at an ordination last weekend sitting next to one of my oldest buddies in ministry and we got a tiny fit of church giggles when that phrase came up. Okay, I admit that it didn’t help that I quietly sang the Brady Bunch lyric.

   It has been a very, very long winter and I’m just silly lately. Enjoy these “pessimist prayers” + other irreverences from my recent Twitter feed.  Nothing gives me silly giggles so fast as switching up a phrase or cliché that’s so well-worn you would never imagine it to conclude any way but the way it has the thousand and ten times you have said or heard it before.

   Victoria Weinstein ‏@peacebang

   Holy, Holy, Holy! Keurig Almighty! Early in the morning our mug shall rise to thee!

    

   Victoria Weinstein ‏@peacebang

2. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts as we forgive those who just said ‘trespass’ by accident.#pessimistprayers

   Victoria Weinstein ‏@peacebang21h

3. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in New Haven. #pessimistprayers

   Victoria Weinstein ‏@peacebang21h

   Come to me, all ye who are heavy laden and I will give you a Jell-O shot + send you back out on the dance floor. #pessimistprayers

   Victoria Weinstein ‏@peacebang

   Do not stand at my grave + weep, I am not here, I do not have time for your drama. #pessimistprayers

   Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am tired + need a nap. #pessimistprayers

   When God closes a door, He opens a window and throws you out of it. #pessimistprayers